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Some people say television contributes more than other modern inventions to the quality of life of ordinary people. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people say television contributes more than other modern inventions to the quality of life of ordinary people. v. 2
It is sometimes argued that television plays a more essential role in our life than any other advancements of today’s world. Personally, I completely disagree with this point of view. To begin with, our daily activities will be seriously hindered without other modern innovations, whose functions cannot be performed by television. Firstly, nowadays, an average person is likely to spend a notable amount of time on roads travelling between, for example, his or her workplace and home. Therefore, the significance of vehicles such as cars and motorbikes cannot be denied. Secondly, a host of different important activities can be undertaken on our smartphones or laptops. These electronic appliances facilitate some of our very basic needs like working, exchanging information and getting access to almost limitless sources of information. They can also serve the purposes of entertaining and catching up with the latest current affairs, which are the core functions of television. Of course, advocates of the aforementioned idea may argue that there are now smart televisions which can perform similar tasks fulfilled by a laptop. However, from my point of view, these so-called smart TVs are far to be able to completely replace laptops or computers in general. Numerous applications such as those published by Microsoft, which are considered to be basic yet useful ones on computers, cannot efficiently or even normally function on these enhanced versions of televisions. In addition, smart TVs usually come at exorbitant prices which are unaffordable for most of the general population. To conclude, it is absurd, in my opinion, to argue that the contribution of television can outweigh that of other inventions.
It is
sometimes
argued that
television
plays a more essential role in our life than any other advancements of
today
’s world.
Personally
, I completely disagree with this point of view.

To
begin
with, our daily activities will be
seriously
hindered without other modern innovations, whose functions cannot
be performed
by
television
.
Firstly
, nowadays, an average person is likely to spend a notable amount of time on roads travelling between,
for example
,
his or her
workplace and home.
Therefore
, the significance of vehicles such as cars and motorbikes cannot
be denied
.
Secondly
, a host of
different
important
activities can be undertaken on our smartphones or laptops. These electronic appliances facilitate
some
of our
very
basic needs like working, exchanging information and getting access to almost limitless sources of information. They can
also
serve the purposes of entertaining and catching up with the latest
current
affairs, which are the core functions of television.

Of course
, advocates of the aforementioned
idea
may argue that there are
now
smart
televisions
which can perform similar tasks fulfilled by a laptop.
However
, from my point of view, these
so
-called smart TVs are far to be able to completely replace laptops or computers
in general
. Numerous applications such as those published by Microsoft, which
are considered
to be basic
yet
useful ones on computers, cannot
efficiently
or even
normally
function on these enhanced versions of
televisions
.
In addition
, smart TVs
usually
come
at exorbitant prices which are unaffordable for most of the general population.

To conclude
, it is absurd, in my opinion, to argue that the contribution of
television
can outweigh that of other inventions.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Some people say television contributes more than other modern inventions to the quality of life of ordinary people. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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