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Some people say people who are tending to take risks can be more successful than people who are careful and cautious. What is your opinion? Please give specific details and examples in your answer. v.2

Some people say people who are tending to take risks can be more successful than people who are careful and cautious. What is your opinion? Please give specific details and examples in your answer. v. 2
To be successful is always desirable for everyone, but people do have different views about what is the key to success. Some claim that people who are willing to take risks have more possibilities to succeed, while others believe that we are supposed to be cautious. From my perspective, we should have different strategies when facing different situations. If we are able to stand the negative effects brought by the failure, taking risks might be a good choice. Otherwise, we had better be cautious. In some circumstances, taking risks will offer us more chances to make profits and to become successful, but we should make the situation clear and make a right judgment about whether we could stand its failures. For example, many businessmen might invest their money in a wide range of industries, like building industries, business industries and so on. No matter how successful a businessman is, he could never be able to make sure he will win. But what he or she can make sure is that he or she can be responsible for the failure, which is resulted from the risks, and have the capacity to withstand the negative result. We often praise someone for taking risks and succeed, but we seem to fail to take into the basic fact that even if he fails, he still could continue his life. On another circumstance, if we have not enough ability that allows us to recover from the bad impact brought by taking risks or we have much uncertainty about the results, being careful and cautious could be much wiser. Taking any jobs or making any investment is the way for people to better his lives, but what will happen if the failure of such actions end his lives? Besides successful events, we often hear that some bosses commit suicide due to the failure of investment. This kind of incidents should encourage us to take a comprehensive consideration before taking actions. Without life, nothing will left, not to mention the success. Although taking some risks could make us famous overnight, but it might cause negative results that we cannot afford. Therefore, before the situation becomes clear, we should calm down and keep careful. From what have been discussed above, people who want to be successful ought to be careful and at the same time being able to take risks. It is unwise for us to always value the one quality more than the other.
To be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
is always desirable for everyone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about what is the key to success.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are willing to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
have more possibilities to succeed, while others believe that we
are supposed
to be cautious. From my perspective, we should have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
strategies when facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations. If we are able to stand the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects brought by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
, taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
might be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choice.
Otherwise
, we had better be cautious.

In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
circumstances, taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
will offer us more chances to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
profits and to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the situation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a right judgment about whether we could stand its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failures
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
businessmen might invest their money in a wide range of industries, like building industries, business industries and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. No matter how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
a businessman is, he could never be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
sure he will win.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
what he or she can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
sure is that he or she can be responsible for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
, which
is resulted
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
, and have the capacity to withstand the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
result. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
praise someone for taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
and succeed,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we seem to fail to take into the basic fact that even if he fails, he
still
could continue his life.

On another circumstance, if we have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
ability that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
us to recover from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact brought by taking
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
risks or
we have much uncertainty about the results, being careful and cautious could be much wiser. Taking any jobs or making any investment is the way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to better his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
what will happen if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
of such actions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
?
Besides
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successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
hear that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
bosses commit suicide due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
of investment. This kind of incidents should encourage us to take a comprehensive consideration
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
taking actions. Without life, nothing will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "leave"
left
, not to mention the success. Although taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
overnight,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it might cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
results that we cannot afford.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the situation becomes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, we should calm down and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
careful.

From what have
been discussed
above,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who want to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
ought to be careful and at the same time being able to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
. It is unwise for us to always value the one quality more than the other.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say people who are tending to take risks can be more successful than people who are careful and cautious. What is your opinion? Please give specific details and examples in your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
407 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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