Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people say now there is less communication between the family members than in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people say now there is less communication between the family members than in the past. v. 1
In today’s fast paced world, there is an evident spike in the communication gap between the members of the family, when compared to the last few decades. I would agree with this view, with an exception that, there are still some sections of the society, which are following some definitive guidelines to keep their family relations healthy. Firstly, the section of the people who believe that transparency in the family is declining, might argue that this situation is due to the daily work schedules of the modern families. These families, which are majorly the nuclear families, having parents as the working class and their children are in modern education, experiencing so much of daily stress. For example, as per the survey by The Times of India, 3 out of 5 families in today’s metropolitan cities are nuclear families, and both the partners are doing day jobs. As a result, the family members will not get any personal time to share their feelings, which increases the gap between the partners. Additionally, another key factor which leads to family disintegration, is the intrusion of mobile technology, and social media in their personal life. In fact, the present day, every person owns a mobile with a truck load of social media apps, like Facebook. To exemplify this, the recent article published by “The Business Insider” clearly shown the multifold increase in the smartphone usage by young kids in the family, especially on mobile gaming. In contrast, if people spend their precious time for having a meaningful conversation, it can lead to a treasured family experience. In conclusion, although there are some groups focusing on the intra-family communications, the majority of the world is facing family mistrusts and communication pitfalls, due to the technological advancements, and lifestyle impediments. So, I opine that, in this twenty first century there is an evident proof of mis-communication in the family members and they have to be addressed at various levels. Hence, I would recommend that, every family must devote a few hours of their personal time to eat, chat and laugh together.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced world, there is an evident spike in the communication gap between the members of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, when compared to the last few decades. I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view, with an exception that, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sections of the society, which are following
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
definitive guidelines to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relations healthy.

Firstly
, the section of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who believe that transparency in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is declining, might argue that this situation is due to the daily work schedules of the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, which are
majorly
the nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, having parents as the working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and their children are in modern education, experiencing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much of daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
For example
, as per the survey by The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
of India, 3 out of 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s metropolitan cities are nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, and both the partners are doing day jobs.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to share their feelings, which increases the gap between the partners.

Additionally
, another key factor which leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
disintegration, is the intrusion of mobile technology, and social media in their personal life. In fact, the present day, every person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owns
a mobile with a truck load of social media apps, like Facebook. To exemplify this, the recent article published by “The Business Insider”
clearly
shown the
Possible spelling mistake found.
multifold
increase in the smartphone usage by young kids in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
especially
on mobile gaming.
In contrast
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spend their precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for having a meaningful conversation, it can lead to a treasured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
experience.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
groups focusing on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
intra-family
communications, the majority of the world is facing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
mistrusts and communication pitfalls, due to the technological advancements, and lifestyle impediments.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I opine that, in this twenty
first
century there is an evident proof of
Possible spelling mistake found.
mis-communication
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
members and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be addressed
at various levels.
Hence
, I would recommend that, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
devote a few hours of their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to eat, chat and laugh together.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people say now there is less communication between the family members than in the past. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts