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Some people think that hard working and determination are the key factors for being successful in the life, other people feel that other factors are important. Discuss both sides, what is your opinion? v.2

Some people think that hard working and determination are the key factors for being successful in the life, other people feel that other factors are important. v. 2
Being successful in life is a dream to everyone. It is believed by few that working hard and stay in focus is the main features of being successful whereas others feel that there are different elements, which can bring prosperity in life. This essay will delve both the sides of the arguments and draw my opinion. To begin with, people who work more and are committed towards their goals are more likely to attain the success, than those who don’t. This is because to achieve what they need in order to bring the success at their doors, people push their limits to reach their aim. For example, a study shows that 60 percent of people around the world work around the clock to obtain progress in their goal, rather than people who are not willing give their potentials. Consequently, especially, people who push their limits are way more successful in life. However, on the contrary, it is claimed by some that the success is obtained from other ways, such as better education, capital and luck. Firstly, education not only allows a person to become strong enough, but also make them competitive with various skills, which is indispensable to be successful. Secondly, finance is the backbone of every initial establishment. If money is not a problem, then journey to be victorious is easily achieved. Finally, being lucky is occasionally considered for clear pathways towards progress. Therefore, these are the most promising different ways which lead to victory. Although these reasons are really appealing, but not everyone can possess these. In conclusion, working more with a focus is the only way to be successful while others say there are other multiple ways to be one. People may differ in their opinions, but I strongly believe that hard workers and committed people have more chance to gain victory.
Being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
in life is a dream to everyone. It
is believed
by few that working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and stay in focus is the main features of being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
whereas others feel that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
elements, which can bring prosperity in life. This essay will delve both the sides of the arguments and draw my opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work more and
are committed
towards their goals are more likely to attain the success, than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
don’t. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
to achieve what they need in order to bring the success at their doors,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
push their limits to reach their aim.
For example
, a study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 60 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world work around the clock to obtain progress in their goal,
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not willing give their potentials.
Consequently
,
especially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
push their limits are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
in life.

However
,
on the contrary
, it
is claimed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that the success
is obtained
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
, such as better education, capital and luck.
Firstly
, education not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
a person to become strong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them competitive with various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which is indispensable to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
.
Secondly
, finance is the backbone of every initial establishment. If money is not a problem, then journey to be victorious is
easily
achieved.
Finally
, being lucky is
occasionally
considered for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
pathways towards progress.
Therefore
, these are the most promising
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
which lead to victory. Although these reasons are
really
appealing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not everyone can possess these.

In conclusion
, working more with a focus is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
while others say there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to be one.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
may differ in their opinions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
strongly
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
workers and committed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more chance to gain victory.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that hard working and determination are the key factors for being successful in the life, other people feel that other factors are important. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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