Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Experts say older people were happier and healthier in the past because they did more exercise and spent more time with family and friends, whereas many now suffer from loneliness and health problems. What are the cause of this and what are some solutions. v.9

Experts say older people were happier and healthier in the past because they did more exercise and spent more time with family and friends, whereas many now suffer from loneliness and health problems. What are the cause of this and what are some solutions. v. 9
Time is changing and with the advancement in technology, the elderly's level of happiness as well as their well being also altered. In today’s world, owing to modern lifestyle, senior citizens are more likely to feel more lonely and are less happy. There are several reasons for this problem and various measures can be taken by individuals and governments to improve this situation. Changing lifestyle and the advent of technology are the main causes of this trouble. To begin with, nowadays, as a result of economic obligations, people devote virtually their whole time to work and it leaves them with little time to visit their elder members of the family and communicate with each other. Therefore, parental care and control is restricted to texting and phone calls only, and in turn, these aged people develop a sense of isolation. This situation is compounded by the fact that, the wrong modern way of living encourages people to follow the poor eating habits. Retired old people, for instance, who is eating food that have poor nutritional value or having sedentary lifestyle and lacking of exercising on a regular basis is more likely to suffer from health problems. There are different steps to mitigate this obstacle that should be taken by individuals and governments. Firstly, children should be realized, their parents overrides the importance of all precious things in the world and also the parents and grandparents should be an utmost priority of every person. Therefore, once the offspring spend some hours with their parents and grandparents provide them a sense of contentment. Furthermore, governments should raise public awareness about the consequence of eating poor quality of food that bring about a serious health problem for senior citizens. In addition, governments should provide retired people facilities to exercise on a daily basis in order to avoid mental troubles. In fact, these measures are feasible solutions for this problem. In conclusion, notwithstanding the fact that maintaining elder people healthy in terms of mental and physical is an unattainable ideal, once the measures that mentioned above are implemented, aged-people are more likely to enjoy a greater degree of happiness and health in their lives.
Time is changing and with the advancement in technology, the elderly's level of happiness
as well
as their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
also
altered. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, owing to modern lifestyle, senior citizens are more likely to feel more lonely and are less happy. There are several reasons for this problem and various measures can
be taken
by individuals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
this situation.

Changing lifestyle and the advent of technology are the main causes of this trouble. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, nowadays,
as a result
of economic obligations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
devote
virtually
their whole time to work and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
them with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time to visit their elder members of the family and communicate with each other.
Therefore
, parental care and control
is restricted
to texting and phone calls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, and in turn, these aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
develop a sense of isolation. This situation
is compounded
by the fact that, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
modern way of living encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to follow the poor eating habits. Retired
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
for instance
, who is eating food that have poor nutritional value or having sedentary lifestyle and lacking of exercising on a regular basis is more likely to suffer from health problems.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
steps to mitigate this obstacle that should
be taken
by individuals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
.
Firstly
, children should
be realized
, their parents overrides the importance of all precious things in the world and
also
the parents and grandparents should be an utmost priority of every person.
Therefore
, once the offspring spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hours with their parents and grandparents provide them a sense of contentment.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should raise public awareness about the consequence of eating poor quality of food that bring about a serious health problem for senior citizens.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should provide retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
facilities to exercise on a daily basis in order to avoid mental troubles. In fact, these measures are feasible solutions for this problem.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion, notwithstanding the fact that maintaining elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
healthy in terms of mental and physical is an unattainable ideal, once the measures that mentioned above
are implemented
, aged-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more likely to enjoy a greater degree of happiness and health in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Experts say older people were happier and healthier in the past because they did more exercise and spent more time with family and friends, whereas many now suffer from loneliness and health problems. What are the cause of this and what are some solutions. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts