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Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view? v.16

Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. with this view? v. 16
It is irrefutable that there has been a significant rise in extreme activities, more and more people have started taking part in such sports. Many people believe that these sports should not be allowed, as it poses danger to life. In this essay, I will present both sides of the argument with examples. First and foremost, the prohibition of a sport will not stop an individual from taking part in it. Individual's interested will follow it in an illegal way. For example, few of the countries in Europe have restriction in such sports, allowing people to earn illegal money. In contrast, if allowed, the authorities should be strict about the supervision and the safety of the athletes. Which will allow the government to generate funds as well. As a result, the government would be able to make some profit without compromising on the safety of the people. Secondly, There should be an independent body, which should monitor the way these sports are arranged and carried out. This way the same standard would be set all around the globe. For Instance, safety instructions should be same in the USA as well as in India. It is because, this would enable the council to measure everyone on the same scale and create a global ranking for the athletes in certain sports, initiating a global competition. In conclusion, despite a few risks involved in the extreme sports. In my view, if they are performed under supervision and sufficient safety, it should be allowed. The government authority should also create laws regarding the same, so that no one bypass those norms.
It is irrefutable that there has been a significant rise in extreme activities, more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
taking part in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
, as it poses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
to life. In this essay, I will present both sides of the argument with examples.

First
and foremost, the prohibition of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
an individual from taking part in it. Individual's interested will follow it
Consider replacing "in an illegal way" with the adverb for "illegal"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an illegal way
.
For example
, few of the countries in Europe have restriction in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, allowing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to earn illegal money.
In contrast
, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
, the authorities should be strict about the supervision and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
of the athletes. Which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to generate funds
as well
.
As a result
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
would be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
profit without compromising on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Secondly
, There should be an independent body, which should monitor the way these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are arranged
and carried out. This way the same standard would
be set
all around the globe.
For Instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
instructions should be same in the USA
as well
as in India. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, this would enable the council to measure everyone on the same scale and create a global ranking for the athletes in certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, initiating a global competition.

In conclusion
, despite a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
involved in the extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. In my view, if they
are performed
under supervision and sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
, it should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
authority should
also
create laws regarding the same,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that no one bypass those norms.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. with this view? v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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