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Some people say modern innovations bring lot of problem than benefits? Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people say modern innovations bring lot of problem than benefits? v. 2
Innovations are improving standard of life. They increase comfort and convenience. Some people argue that modern innovation has created many problems rather than benefits. I totally dissent with this statement. Hence, I would elaborate my views through examples. To begin with, smartphones are widely used modern innovation. It's connect people virtually by social networks. Innovations provides conservation to the nation. For instance, research in the nuclear sector and atomic innovation for weapons are effective. Scientific novelty creates useful resources for a better future. For example, due to electronic vehicles fossil fuels are less usable and low usage of fossil fuels pollution decrease itself. eco-friendly alternatives like wind energy and solar energy are results of research. Utilisation of renewable energies is making a less pollute world. On the flip side, innovation has some drawbacks also. Firstly, usage of social media and video gaming in juvenile is increasing day by day and its perilous for them. In addition, Some entertainment apps harm their mindset. Today's young people spend more time on social networking websites than meeting friends and relatives in person. However, it's about discipline and usage which should be controlled by individuals. Some folks also argue that hacking, scams are result of innovations. Hence, control your usage to some extend. To conclude, Innovations are beneficial for mankind, but, usage is the main characteristic of prevention. In my opinion, innovations are for a better tomorrow and it's very helpful in crucial circumstances and in some consequences it's aid to make a habitable world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Innovations
are improving standard of life. They increase comfort and convenience.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovation
has created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems
rather
than benefits. I
totally
dissent with this statement.
Hence
, I would elaborate my views through examples.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, smartphones are
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovation
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
It's
connect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
virtually
by social networks.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "innovation provides".
Innovations provides
conservation to the nation.
For instance
, research in the nuclear sector and atomic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovation
for weapons are effective. Scientific novelty creates useful resources for a better future.
For example
, due to electronic vehicles fossil fuels are less usable and low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
of fossil fuels pollution decrease itself.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
eco-friendly
alternatives like wind energy and solar energy are results of research.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Utilisation' is British English.
Utilisation
of renewable energies is making a less pollute world.

On the flip side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovation
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks
also
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
of social media and video gaming in juvenile is increasing day by day and its perilous for them.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
entertainment apps harm their mindset.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
's young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spend more time on social networking websites than meeting friends and relatives in person.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
about discipline and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
which should
be controlled
by individuals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
folks
also
argue that hacking, scams are result of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovations
.
Hence
, control your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean the noun "extent"?
extend
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Innovations
are beneficial for mankind,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
is the main characteristic of prevention. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovations
are for a better tomorrow and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful in crucial circumstances and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
consequences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
aid to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a habitable world.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people say modern innovations bring lot of problem than benefits? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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