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Some people believe that university students should pay all the cost of studies because university education only benefit the students themselves not the society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that university students should pay all the cost of studies because university education only benefit the students themselves not the society as a whole. v. 1
With the increasing demand for education, it has been a huge burden for university's students to pay all the tuition fees. Nevertheless, some insist that to pay the cost of education is the students' responsibility, not a government's as the study is only beneficial to the pupils. From my point of view, I am entirely against with the notion as the education brings about a number of advantages to both students and society. There is no doubt that students choose whether they study further after the compulsory study curriculum by themselves and they have to pay for their decision to a certain extent. The most common reason why they go to universities are to find a high quality job and be qualified in their knowledge for the future, which are their personal benefits on the society. According to research, much greater number of university graduates are employed with higher salaries than those who just finished high school in developed countries. Apart from the advantages that university students obtain, higher rate of university graduates also influence society in various positive ways. The knowledge and professional skills that university pupils develop at the school can contribute to society by inventing novel technology, discovering scientific theories, and improving global business. In addition, the increasing employment rate in people who are highly educated can lead the nation to be stronger and stabler in many ways. For example, scientists and architects who commonly studied master degree in universities bring more money from other countries rather than physical workers in other fields. In conclusion, according to the aforementioned reasons, the preference of going to universities for further study among students can result in not only the opportunity of finding higher quality job for graduates, but also the development of economy and technology of the nation. Therefore, it would be reasonable that governments subsidise university students to afford their tuition fee.
With the increasing demand for education, it has been a huge burden for university's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to pay all the tuition fees.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
insist that to pay the cost of education is the students' responsibility, not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
beneficial to the pupils. From my point of view, I am
entirely
against with the notion as the education brings about a number of advantages to both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and society.

There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
choose whether they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
further
after the compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
curriculum by
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
themselves and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay for their decision to a certain extent. The most common reason why they go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
are to find a high quality job and
be qualified
in their knowledge for the future, which are their personal benefits on the society. According to research, much greater number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
graduates
are employed
with higher salaries than those who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
finished high school in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
.

Apart from the advantages that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
obtain, higher rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
graduates
also
influence society in various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
ways. The knowledge and professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
pupils develop at the school can contribute to society by inventing novel technology, discovering scientific theories, and improving global business.
In addition
, the increasing employment rate in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are
highly
educated can lead the nation to be stronger and stabler in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
For example
, scientists and architects who
commonly
studied master degree in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
bring more money from other countries
rather
than physical workers in other fields.

In conclusion
, according to the aforementioned reasons, the preference of going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
for
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can result in not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the opportunity of finding higher quality job for graduates,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the development of economy and technology of the nation.
Therefore
, it would be reasonable that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
Possible spelling mistake. 'subsidise' is British English.
subsidise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to afford their tuition fee.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Some people believe that university students should pay all the cost of studies because university education only benefit the students themselves not the society as a whole. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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