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Some people say it is important to keep your home and your workplace tidy, with everything organized and in the correct place. What is your opinion about this? v.5

Some people say it is important to keep your home and your workplace tidy, with everything organized and in the correct place. What is your opinion about this? v. 5
Keeping everything we use in an organized way is an essential habit in which our parents want us to practice from our childhood. I see it as a life skill that must be improved in any human being which makes our lives a comfortable one in many ways. Sometimes it is very bothersome when we are not well organized. When I was small I had an unstoppable bad habit of throwing my comb here and there after using it. One day I was getting ready to go to a talent show at my school suddenly I noticed my comb had been misplaced and I was so panicked thinking where I threw it to. I had to spend more than one hour to find it and I couldn’t be there for my dancing item on time. I cried a lot as I couldn’t dance with my friends in front of my parents. That day I thoroughly understood the harm of my bad habit. A tidy apartment, a house or even a workplace is pleasant to see. Members of a family who live in a tidy environment, develop the love and affection between each other. Colleagues at the office work together without quarrelling when the working environment is tidy. Psychologists have proved the effect of the nature of living area on the mental state of humans. I have one of my fellow teachers at my school hasn’t been brought up with good habits. She leaves left over food on the staff table without dumping them into the dustbin. Everyone in the staffroom doesn’t like keeping company with her. And once the principal had caught lots of mistakes in the papers she had set for kids. I think she is a nice example for a person who ruins her career and social relationships by being untidy. If you train your mind for being tidy, it would be a jewellery which adds a glory and shine for you and if you are a person who is not well organized, you know from experience how troublesome your life is.
Keeping everything we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Consider replacing "in an organized way" with the adverb for "organized"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an organized way
is an essential habit in which our parents want us to practice from our childhood. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it as a life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
in any human being which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
a comfortable one in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
bothersome when we are not well organized. When I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
I had an unstoppable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habit of throwing my comb here and
Did you mean "thereafter" (= adverb, 'after that')?
there after
using it. One day I was getting ready to go to a talent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
at my school
suddenly
I noticed my comb had been
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
misplaced and
I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
panicked thinking where I threw it to. I had to spend more than one hour to find it and I couldn’t be there for my dancing item on time. I cried a lot as I couldn’t dance with my friends in front of my parents. That day I
thoroughly
understood the harm of my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habit.

A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tidy
apartment, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or even a workplace is pleasant to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
. Members of a family who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tidy
environment, develop the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and affection between each other. Colleagues at the office work together without quarrelling when the working environment is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tidy
. Psychologists have proved the effect of the nature of living area on the mental state of humans. I have one of my fellow teachers at my school hasn’t
been brought
up with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habits. She
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
over food on the staff table without dumping them into the dustbin. Everyone in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
staffroom
doesn’t like keeping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
with her. And once the principal had caught lots of mistakes in the papers she had set for kids. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
she is a nice example for a person who ruins her career and social relationships by being untidy.

If you train your mind for being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tidy
, it would be a
Possible spelling mistake. 'jewellery' is British English.
jewellery
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
a glory and shine for you and if you are a person who is not well organized, you know from experience how troublesome your life is.
0Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say it is important to keep your home and your workplace tidy, with everything organized and in the correct place. What is your opinion about this? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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