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Some people say it is important to keep your home and workplace tidy, with everything organized and in the correct place. v.3

Some people say it is important to keep your home and workplace tidy, with everything organized and in the correct place. v. 3
There is a saying whereby some individuals opine that it is vitally imperative to keep where one works or lives, neat and well arranged in the right and respective locations. In my opinion, I strongly support this statement because being clean and well organized makes one free from diseases and it also shows one's prowess of morality, responsibility, and maturity at the workplace. There is a common saying which states that prevention is better than cure to a reasonable extent. In other words, it is better to avoid or prevent diseases rather than opting out for a cure. To stay clear of diseases, one must employ the habit of cleanliness and organization. Neatness begins from home, and as such, one must make sure his or her home is void of pests or rodents. Rodents carry several parasites, infection, and viruses that can be contacted by humans. For instance, the encapsulated Ebola virus can be transmitted from rats to humans through contact which is highly endemic across the world. Therefore, it is crucial to remain clean, tidy and well organized to prevent being affected by a deadly disease. In addition, being neat and corporately organized mainly at one's place of work is highly beneficial to one, as it can be used as a criteria for promotion. Being always clean and well arranged at specific places, most especially the office, calls for people to notice such individual. Also, the habit of cleanliness and organization being imbibed in one poses one as being matured with a high sense of maturity at all levels of life. As a result, these key elements can lead such individual to a stage of attaining a promotion due to the insight created by the person's attitude to tidiness. To sum up, cleanliness and organization at all times and at the correct locations are of utmost importance in all ramifications of life. As such, being tidy always prevents one from unnecessary health conditions and being organized can create a strong possibility to getting promoted at the workplace.
There is a saying whereby
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals opine that it is
vitally
imperative to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
where one works or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, neat and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
arranged in the right and respective locations. In my opinion, I
strongly
support this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
being clean and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organized
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
one free from diseases and it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
one's prowess of morality, responsibility, and maturity at the workplace.

There is a common saying which states that prevention is better than cure to a reasonable extent.
In other words
, it is better to avoid or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
diseases
rather
than opting out for a cure. To stay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
of diseases, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
employ the habit of cleanliness and organization. Neatness
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
from home, and as such, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
home is void of pests or rodents. Rodents carry several parasites, infection, and viruses that can
be contacted
by humans.
For instance
, the encapsulated Ebola virus can
be transmitted
from rats to humans through contact which is
highly
endemic across the world.
Therefore
, it is crucial to remain clean, tidy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organized
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by a deadly disease.

In addition
, being neat and
corporately
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organized
mainly
at one's place of work is
highly
beneficial to one, as it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a criterion" or simply "criteria"?
a criteria
for promotion. Being always clean and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
arranged at specific places, most
especially
the office, calls for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to notice such individual.
Also
, the habit of cleanliness and organization
being imbibed
in one poses one as
being matured
with a high sense of maturity at all levels of life.
As a result
, these key elements can lead such individual to a stage of attaining a promotion due to the insight created by the person's attitude to tidiness.

To sum up, cleanliness and organization at all times and at the correct locations are of utmost importance in all ramifications of life. As such, being tidy always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
one from unnecessary health conditions and being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organized
can create a strong possibility to getting promoted at the workplace.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people say it is important to keep your home and workplace tidy, with everything organized and in the correct place. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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