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Many working people get little or no exercise during the working day or in their free time, and hand health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v.1

Many working people get little or no exercise during the working day or in their free time, and hand health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 1
Several employees have a strong possibility of acquiring health-related problems because they do not often get the required rest and do not partake in exercise. This essay will explain why many people working do not take part in workout which is mainly due to the tedious nature of their work, the accustomed intention to make more money, and also the possible solutions to curb these menaces. Several employees do not get enough rest nor exercise mainly because of the nature their job. Using employees mainly in Lagos State, Nigeria as a specific example, a high percentage of these working individuals wake up very early at 4. 00am in order to get to there place of work on time, get held up for a long time in traffic, and get back to their distant homes late at night. This routine repeats itself all along for at least five days in a week. As a result of this, there is often less time or no free period at all to participate in workouts. Also, there are some people who tend to be free, but because they want to make more money or achieve some equivalent standards in the society, they get another lucrative job or get themselves busy by obtaining a high position in the society creating no time whatsoever for exercise and a reduced amount of time to rest. This in turn leads to aggravated health conditions such as high blood pressure, atherosclerosis, heart problems, and diabetes to mention a few. Consequently, one of the necessary solutions to be carried out about these problems is for the company staff to come to an agreement and set aside a day or some hours of a day for mandatory leisure time for all staff in all companies. Also, a fine must be included in case any person violates this rule. This sort of rule is essential as exercise eases off work tension, relieves the body and reduces the work pressure on staff. In addition, individuals must be evaluated and educated about the vital importance of rest and exercise. In other words, several talks or programmes should be organized and welcomed warmly by all individuals in an organization. All in all, the crucial benefits of exercise or rest can not be overemphasized. As working individuals do not get adequate rest or exercise, it is caused by many reasons, leads to severe health challenges, and can be reduced drastically by enforcing certain rules about exercising and organizing programmes to educate working people about the importance of rest and exercise.
Several employees have a strong possibility of acquiring health-related problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rest
and do not partake in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in workout which is
mainly
due to the tedious nature of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, the accustomed intention to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more money, and
also
the possible solutions to curb these menaces.

Several employees do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rest
nor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the nature their job. Using employees
mainly
in Lagos State, Nigeria as a specific example, a high percentage of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
wake up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early at 4. 00am in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
Did you mean "their"?
there
place of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
held up for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in traffic, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back to their distant homes late at night. This routine repeats itself all along for at least five days in a week.
As a result
of this, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
or no free period at all to participate in workouts.
Also
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who tend to be free,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more money or achieve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
equivalent standards in the society, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
another lucrative job or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
themselves busy by obtaining a high position in the society creating no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
whatsoever for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rest
. This in turn leads to aggravated health conditions such as high blood pressure, atherosclerosis, heart problems, and diabetes to mention a few.

Consequently
, one of the necessary solutions to
be carried
out about these problems is for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
staff to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to an agreement and set aside a day or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hours of a day for mandatory leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for all staff in all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
Also
, a fine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be included
in case any person violates this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
. This sort of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
is essential as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eases
off
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
tension, relieves the body and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure on staff.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be evaluated
and educated about the vital importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rest
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
In other words
, several talks or
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
should
be organized
and welcomed
warmly
by all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
in an organization.

All in all, the crucial benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rest
can not
be overemphasized
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rest
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, it
is caused
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons, leads to severe health challenges, and can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
drastically
by enforcing certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
about exercising and organizing
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rest
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Many working people get little or no exercise during the working day or in their free time, and hand health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
424 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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