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In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think ate the main causes of crime? How can we deal with these causes? v.1

In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think ate the main causes of crime? How can we deal with these causes? v. 1
There has been spike in crime rate in many countries, as a result of easy access to guns and other dangerous weapons; and secondly, poor standard of living of the majority of the citizens. This essay will expatiate the above stated reasons and also the possible solutions. The rate of violent and non-violent crime has been on the increase recently in many nations around the world, because of the ease of acquiring guns and weapons by the criminal elements in the society, either legally or illegally, for carrying out their vice on the innocent citizens. Like the USA recently, there has been an increase of gun violence among individuals, which has resulted in the death of many, because most citizens can easily acquire any weapon of their choice. This has led many groups to clamour for a more stringent gun control policy. Another reason for the rise in crime rates in many countries, is the poor standard of living of the people. In Nigeria, for example, there is an upsurge in kidnapping, rape, stealing and murder in the core North, this is a result of years of neglect by the government due to poor leadership and corruption. So the people have no choice but to resort to crime as self-help. However, the upsurge in crime can be curtailed by; firstly, the Government's active involvement in enacting an effective gun control policy, restricting the easy access to guns and other dangerous weapons, as this will go a long way in solving the problem. Secondly, Political Leaders in positions of authority should do all that is necessary to improve the living conditions of their citizens, to avoid a total breakdown of law and order, and possibly leads to anarchy.
There has been spike in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
as a result
of easy access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
and other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weapons
; and
secondly
, poor standard of living of the majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
. This essay will expatiate the above stated reasons and
also
the possible solutions.

The rate of violent and non-violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
has been on the increase recently in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations around the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of acquiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weapons
by the criminal elements in the society, either
legally
or
illegally
, for carrying out their vice on the innocent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
. Like the USA recently, there has been an increase of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
violence among individuals, which has resulted in the death of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
can
easily
acquire any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weapon
of their choice. This has led
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
groups to
Possible spelling mistake found.
clamour
for a more stringent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
control policy.

Another reason for the rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, is the poor standard of living of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. In Nigeria,
for example
, there is an upsurge in kidnapping, rape, stealing and murder in the core North, this is a result of years of neglect by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
due to poor leadership and corruption.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have no choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to resort to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
as self-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.

However
, the upsurge in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
can
be curtailed
by;
firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
's active involvement in enacting an effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
control policy, restricting the easy access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
and other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weapons
, as this will go a long way in solving the problem.
Secondly
, Political Leaders in positions of authority should do all
that is
necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the living conditions of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
, to avoid a total breakdown of law and order, and
possibly
leads to anarchy.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think ate the main causes of crime? How can we deal with these causes? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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