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Some people say it is important to keep your home and workplace tidy, with everything organised and in it's place. what is your opinion about this? v.1

Some people say it is important to keep your home and workplace tidy, with everything organised and in it's place. what is your opinion about this? v. 1
A certain number of people have an opinion of keeping home and workplace tidy, with each and everything in its right situation. I support the notion because it helps us to protect from various diseases as well as represent our personality. Firstly, cleanliness is predominant at the workplace and home because it represents who we are. It is considered a person who makes it home always clean is more disciplined than who do not. For instance, anybody come to our house and everything is not in its place, then he/she would create a negative image for us in his/her mind. Thus, it is crucial to remain clean. Secondly, keeping our work places clean shield us from various health diseases. It is scientifically proved that the main cause of disseminating of infectious ailments is uncleanliness. To exemplify, in developed countries people are more healthy because their government is more conscious about cleaning and the environment is not polluted like developing countries. That is why, It is good for one to keep his surroundings clean to preserve him from various health hazards. Thirdly, to spread our culture all over the world, it is a fundamental requirement. The city is alluring to tourist if it is tidy and if more tourists come to our country which would contribute towards the economic growth of the country. For example, in India a campaign was established by our prime minister "MODI" to clean our country. Hence, the economy of a nation thrives, which would automatically enhance the standard of living of people. To conclude, cleaning is the most vital step to stay healthy and fascinating the tourists throughout the world.
A certain number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have an opinion of keeping home and workplace tidy, with each and everything in its right situation. I support the notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to protect from various diseases
as well
as represent our personality.

Firstly
, cleanliness is predominant at the workplace and home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it represents who we are. It
is considered
a person who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it home always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clean
is more disciplined than
Did you mean "whom"?
who
do not.
For instance
, anybody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and everything is not in its place, then he/she would create a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
image for us in his/her mind.
Thus
, it is crucial to remain clean.

Secondly
, keeping our work places
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clean
shield us from various health diseases. It is
scientifically
proved that the main cause of disseminating of infectious ailments is uncleanliness. To exemplify, in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more healthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is more conscious about cleaning and the environment is not polluted like developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
That is
why, It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for one to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
his surroundings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clean
to preserve him from various health hazards.

Thirdly
, to spread our culture all over the world, it is a fundamental requirement. The city is alluring to tourist if it is tidy and if more tourists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
which would contribute towards the economic growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
, in India a campaign
was established
by our prime minister
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
MODI
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clean
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Hence
, the economy of a nation thrives, which would
automatically
enhance the standard of living of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
, cleaning is the most vital step to stay healthy and fascinating the tourists throughout the world.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say it is important to keep your home and workplace tidy, with everything organised and in it's place. what is your opinion about this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
274 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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