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Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.3

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history. v. 3
The question of what to prioritize for guiding school-age children in schools has been hotly debated over the last half century, with some believing that more focus should be paid to history rather than other subjects. While there are strong arguments on both sides of the discuss, I strongly agree that science and technology are of more great importance. One the one hand, those who support teaching historical information and events cite various benefits that the subject can bring to a child. These range from understanding the past to building up patriotism. If young teenagers were raised without knowing much about their homeland, they could end up at showing no respect or appreciation to their ancestors who had previously worked so hard or even fought bravely to protect their country from outside enemies. By giving lectures and teaching materials involved in what happened to a specific place, a teacher can assure positive attitudes toward a nation among his students, as well as encourage them to continue to protect their country. However, I tend to side with those who say that teaching students about scientific or technological matters is far better than showing them boring dates and past events. In this fast-growing world, the advance of technology has transformed the way that a man works and lives, from learning something new to paying the bills. If a pupil, for example, were not taught how to use a computer or access information through the Internet, I do believe that this kid would grow up with more disadvantages or even lack of opportunities to find a decent job, especially in today’s highly competitive employment market. Another argument for this viewpoint is that modern humans are suffering from tragic diseases like AIDS or cancer. Paying greater than ever attention to science and technology is in fact a security for the future of all human beings. In conclusion, I can understand the undeniable role of history in a child’s education, but it seems to me that science and technology are indeed more necessary in terms of job hunting or carrying out scientific researches.
The question of what to prioritize for guiding school-age children in schools has been
hotly
debated over the last half century, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believing that more focus should
be paid
to history
rather
than other subjects. While there are strong arguments on both sides of
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'discuss' is correct. If 'discuss' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the discuss
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are of more great importance.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand, those who support teaching historical information and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
cite various benefits that the subject can bring to a child. These range from understanding the past to building up patriotism. If young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
were raised
without knowing much about their homeland, they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up at showing no respect or appreciation to their ancestors who had previously worked
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
or even fought
bravely
to protect their country from outside enemies. By giving lectures and teaching materials involved in what happened to a specific place, a teacher can assure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitudes toward a nation among his students,
as well
as encourage them to continue to protect their country.

However
, I tend to side with those who say that teaching students about scientific or technological matters is far better than showing them boring dates and past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. In this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-growing world, the advance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has transformed the way that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
works and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, from learning something new to paying the bills. If a pupil,
for example
, were not taught how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a computer or access information through the Internet, I do believe that this kid would grow up with more disadvantages or even lack of opportunities to find a decent job,
especially
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
highly
competitive employment market. Another argument for this viewpoint is that modern humans are suffering from tragic diseases like AIDS or cancer. Paying greater than ever attention to science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is in fact a security for the future of all human beings.

In conclusion
, I can understand the undeniable role of history in a child’s education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it seems to me that science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are
indeed
more necessary in terms of job hunting or carrying out scientific researches.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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