Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many countries consider eighteen year olds to be adults, while other countries don’t. What do you think about it? Give your opinion and some relevant examples based on your own experience. v.2

Many countries consider eighteen year olds to be adults, while other countries don’t. What do you think about it? Give your opinion and some relevant examples based on your own experience. v. 2
In today' s world the age for adulthood varies from one country to another. while a number of countries hold eighteen years as the right age for adulthood, others dispute with this. But is age the absolute metric to decide adulthood? I believe that age should not be the only criterea to label an individual as an adult. This essay will first analyze both camps and point out the flaws in the current age based systems and later suggest a better way to decide adulthood. Firstly, from a biological perspective development of an individual is heavily dependent on factors like the diet they consume and the climate they live in. These factors directly impact the production of testosterone and estrogen, which are two of the major hormones responsible for adulthood, in a human being there by affecting their mental and physical growth. For example, according to a study conducted by American Health Association a sample of 100 16 year old girls from texas showed the same level of physical and emotional maturity as 18 year olds from 10 other states in the USA, which led to the Texas government reducing the legal age of marriage to 16. Unfortunately, the purely age based qualification system among countries does not take all these factors into account and thus are flawed in a way and needs improvement. However, a better way would be if the governments around the world start considering their citizens on an individual basis and not set an age for adulthood. For instance, authorities around the world can design a test which would assess an individual' s mental and physical maturity level, and label them as adults based on their test scores. This would be fruitful to both the society and individuals in numerous ways. To name one benefit, qualified adults will be taking part in voting resulting in capable leaders. Thus countries around the world should not only depend on age and follow a more efficient method as mentioned above. To conclude, age based systems are not the most optimal way to determine adulthood and the idea of setting age be it 18 or any number above for this cannot be supported. Thus those in charge should move on to new methods like test based systems.
In
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for adulthood varies from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to another.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
hold eighteen years as the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for adulthood, others dispute with this.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
the absolute metric to decide adulthood? I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
should not be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible spelling mistake found.
criterea
to label an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
as an adult. This essay will
first
analyze both camps and point out the flaws in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
and later suggest a better way to decide adulthood.

Firstly
, from a biological perspective development of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
is
heavily
dependent on factors like the diet they consume and the climate they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in. These factors
directly
impact the production of testosterone and estrogen, which are two of the major hormones responsible for adulthood, in a human being there by affecting their mental and physical growth.
For example
, according to a study conducted by American Health Association a sample of 100 16 year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
girls from
Possible spelling mistake found.
texas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the same level of physical and emotional maturity as
It seems that hyphens are missing
18 year olds
from 10 other states in the USA, which led to the Texas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
reducing the legal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of marriage to 16. Unfortunately, the
purely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
based qualification
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
does not take all these factors into account and
thus
are flawed
in a way and needs improvement.

However
, a better way would be if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
considering their citizens on an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
basis and not set an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for adulthood.
For instance
, authorities around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
can design a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
which would assess an
Possible spelling mistake found.
individual&
#039; s mental and physical maturity level, and label them as adults based on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
scores. This would be fruitful to both the society and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
in numerous ways. To name one benefit, qualified adults will be taking part in voting resulting in capable leaders.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
depend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and follow a more efficient method as mentioned above.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
are not the most optimal way to determine adulthood and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of setting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
be it 18 or any number above for this cannot
be supported
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
those in charge should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
on to new methods like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Many countries consider eighteen year olds to be adults, while other countries don’t. What do you think about it? Give your opinion and some relevant examples based on your own experience. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
377 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts