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Do you agree or disagree whit the following statement? Games are as important for adults as they are for children v.2

Games are as important for adults as they are for children v. 2
One of the more common purposes in life is to reach happiness. Moreover, plenty of people in this moment are wondering whether they are happy or not. Despite happiness, it is not restricted to young or older people, there are moments in life where we want to enjoy real happiness, which in my opinion is when we get older. Furthermore, even though young people could enjoy their life, they still do not know what real happiness is, because they need more experience, they need to live the present and enjoy the simplest things that life has. Firstly, experience is necessary to enjoy life. Whatever the meaning of the word experience, it related with mistakes, the more experience we have, the more mistakes we have made. This has the utmost importance because it teach us that problems usually get fixed, that compounds will heal, and this knowledge will help us to being calm when problems arise. For example, when my first son got fever I remember I was very sad, years later when the same thing happens to my youngest child, I was no so worry because of the experiences gained. Secondly, the only thing that really exist is present. When you are young, we usually look forward for plans, ideas to be developed, however, when things go wrong with those ideas we cannot enjoy the present because we are obsess thinking about future. When we are a bit older, we learn that the present is the main source of happiness and que should not waste so much time thinking in tomorrow. for example, when i was an under degree student, I used to think too much about my professional future, but now I realize that I should have been more involve in enjoying that time than being concern about future. Finally, life is full of simple’s moment. Young people do not pay attention to the daily things that make our life better, moment that we can enjoy without paying anything, such as a conversation with your kids or wife, a bycicle ride or just view the landscape. older people are more aware of this moment and they realize that enjoy life means enjoy this tinny moment everyday. in summary, everybody has the chance of enjoy life, however, in my opinion the older people has enough experience to enjoy the present more than the future, and the clarity to understand that is compounded of several tinny moments
One of the more common purposes in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is to reach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
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people
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moment
are wondering whether they are happy or not. Despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
, it is not restricted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, there are
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moments
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
where we want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
, which in my opinion is when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
.
Furthermore
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, they
still
do not know what real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they need more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
, they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
the simplest things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
has.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
is necessary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Whatever the meaning of the word
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
, it related with mistakes, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
we have, the more mistakes we have made. This has the utmost importance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
Did you mean "teaches"?
teach
us that problems
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
, that compounds will heal, and this knowledge will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to being calm when problems arise.
For example
, when my
first
son
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
fever I remember I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
sad, years later when the same thing happens to my youngest child, I was no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
worry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
gained.

Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing that
really
exist is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
. When you are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
, we
usually
look forward for plans,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to
be developed
,
however
, when things go
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
with those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
we cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we are
Consider using a past participle here: "obsessed".
obsess
thinking about future. When we are a bit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
, we learn that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
is the main source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
que
should not waste
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much time thinking in tomorrow.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example, when
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
was an under degree student, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
too much about my professional future,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
I realize that I should have been more involve in enjoying that time than being concern about future.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is full of simple’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moment
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not pay attention to the daily things that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
better,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moment
that we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
without paying anything, such as a conversation with your kids or wife, a
Possible spelling mistake found.
bycicle
ride or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
view the landscape.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more aware of this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
moment and
they realize that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
this tinny
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moment
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
summary, everybody has the chance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
however
, in my opinion the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
more than the future, and the clarity to understand that
is compounded
of several tinny
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
moments
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
57Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes

IELTS essay Games are as important for adults as they are for children v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
405 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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