Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

“Although abuse of the system is inevitable, social welfare payments are essential to protect the rights citizens have to a guaranteed minimum income in a democratic society” v.1

“Although abuse of the system is inevitable, social welfare payments are essential to protect the rights citizens have to a guaranteed minimum income in a democratic society” v. 1
There are certain needs and expenses that we cannot do away with; therefore, I agree with the argument that a guaranteed minimum income is essential to protect the rights of all citizens in a democratic country. In almost all nations the rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer. The poor and the marginalized sections of the society also have basic needs. They need food, clothing and shelter. They want to send their children to school. Since many of these people lack a proper livelihood, it is essential for the government to disburse welfare payments. Of course, the welfare schemes are bound to be abused and there is no guarantee that the aid will always reach the needy. Even so, in my opinion, such schemes are required for the all round development of a country. Take, for instance, the case of India. Although the country has made rapid economic advancements over the last few decades, it still has millions of people living below the poverty line. India has robust welfare schemes for the poor. For example, the country’s public distribution system provides food grains and other essentials at highly subsidized rates for the poor. In fact, in many Indian states, poor families can get adequate amounts of rice or wheat for free. On the flip side, the poor are not the only beneficiaries of these schemes. In fact, millions of people living above the poverty line also receive the benefits by manipulating the system with the help of corrupt officials and politicians. As a result of this, the nation ends up spending a lot more money than it should for welfare schemes. However, abolishing welfare programmes is not the answer to this problem. If India pulls the plug on its public distribution system, thousands of people will die of hunger. So, the government continues the system in spite of knowing its limitations and with the help of new and improved technologies, the country is steadily removing ineligible people from its social benefit programs. To conclude, just because welfare programmes are liable to be abused, it does not mean that the government should abolish them. With political will and the use of new technologies, it is possible to ensure that governmental aid reaches the right hands.
There are certain needs and expenses that we cannot do away with;
therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the argument that a guaranteed minimum income is essential to protect the rights of all citizens in a democratic country.

In almost all nations the rich are getting richer and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
are getting poorer. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
and the marginalized sections of the society
also
have basic needs. They need food, clothing and shelter. They want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their children to school. Since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lack a proper livelihood, it is essential for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to disburse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
welfare
payments.

Of course
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
welfare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schemes
are bound
to
be abused
and there is no guarantee that the aid will always reach the needy. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, in my opinion, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schemes
are required
for the all round development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Take,
for instance
, the case of India. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has made rapid economic advancements over the last few decades, it
still
has millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living below the poverty line. India has robust
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
welfare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schemes
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
public distribution
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
provides food grains and other essentials at
highly
subsidized rates for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
. In fact, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Indian states,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
families can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
adequate amounts of rice or wheat for free. On the flip side, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
are not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
beneficiaries of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schemes
. In fact, millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living above the poverty line
also
receive the benefits by manipulating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of corrupt officials and politicians.
As a result
of this, the nation ends up spending a lot more money than it should for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
welfare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schemes
.
However
, abolishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
welfare
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
is not the answer to this problem. If India pulls the plug on its public distribution
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
, thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
of hunger.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
continues the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
knowing its limitations and with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of new and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
technologies, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is
steadily
removing ineligible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from its social benefit programs.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
welfare
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
are liable to
be abused
, it does not mean that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should abolish them. With political will and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of new technologies, it is possible to ensure that governmental aid reaches the right hands.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay “Although abuse of the system is inevitable, social welfare payments are essential to protect the rights citizens have to a guaranteed minimum income in a democratic society” v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
377 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts