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Some people regard work as the most important thing in life and have little interest in anything else. Other people are more enthusiastic about their hobbies and leisure interests than their jobs. Discuss both these attitudes and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people regard work as the most important thing in life and have little interest in anything else. Other people are more enthusiastic about their hobbies and leisure interests than their jobs. v. 1
Workaholics give the foremost priority to their commissions in life. Whereas idlers are more into performing recreational activities than duties. This essay will examine and emanate combating views of the opponents, inclusive of my opinion. According to laze, it is extremely pivotal to have a creative outlook in life, which can be possible by pursuing hobbies and leisure interest such as shopping, painting, singing, dancing and so on. These activities make them active and spirited to deal with any situation, whereas this behaviour any can make them addictive towards entertainment which have deep impact on their professional life and growth. For instance, the trend e shopping to fulfil their desires people are indulging in impulsive shopping. As per toilets, devotion on jobs ensures a steady career growth and a contentment. Due to this full dedication of a person to work, give them wonderful opportunities for developing their skills and experience extremely pivotal to have a and a contentment. While this attitude can raise the level of work stress, followed by deterioration of health. To cite an example in the U. S, 80% of high level business people are being coached Jane Ericson to release stress via meditation. Being a career oriented youngster, it is believed that in this competitive era, work is the central of life. One should try and maintain work life balance for a Joyful and prosperous life. All considered, although leisure activities act like a stress- buster still financial security is always first position. Thus I clung to smart and hard work to elevate one's performance level for handsome earning / salaries.
Workaholics give the foremost priority to their commissions in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
idlers are more into performing recreational activities than duties. This essay will examine and emanate combating views of the opponents, inclusive of my opinion.

According to laze, it is
extremely
pivotal to have a creative outlook in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, which can be possible by pursuing hobbies and leisure interest such as shopping, painting, singing, dancing and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. These activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them active and spirited to deal with any situation, whereas this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
any can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them addictive towards entertainment which have deep impact on their professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and growth.
For instance
, the trend e shopping to fulfil their desires
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are indulging in impulsive shopping.

As per toilets, devotion on jobs ensures a steady career growth and a contentment. Due to this full dedication of a person to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, give them wonderful opportunities for developing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and experience
extremely
pivotal to have a and a contentment. While this attitude can raise the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, followed by deterioration of health. To cite an example in the U. S, 80% of high level business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
being coached
Jane
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ericson
to release
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
via meditation.

Being a
Make sure that the adjective 'career' is correct. Possibly, it should be an adverb (typically ~ly) that modifies 'oriented'. Possibly, it should be the first word in a compound adjective (hyphenated adjective). Possibly, it is correct.
career oriented
youngster, it
is believed
that in this competitive era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is the central of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. One should
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
balance for a Joyful and prosperous life.

All considered, although leisure activities act like a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
- buster
still
financial security is always
first
position.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
I clung to smart and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to elevate one's performance level for handsome earning / salaries.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people regard work as the most important thing in life and have little interest in anything else. Other people are more enthusiastic about their hobbies and leisure interests than their jobs. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
265 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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