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Some people regard video games as harmless fun or even as useful educational tool. Othera, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion do drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v.1

Some people regard video games as harmless fun or even as useful educational tool. Othera, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion do drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v. 1
Video games are increasingly becoming popular day by day. Nowadays, with the boom in the field of technology, many kinds of video games are available to the people. It is often debated whether this form of games has its merits or its demerits. However, in my opinion, it has a definite negative effect on the people, which I will discuss over the course of the essay. Undoubtedly, there are various disadvantages associated with video games. Firstly, video games take away our precious time and make us isolated from our works and studies. That means, with an excessive use of such games distracts us from our daily activities and, mitigate our interactions and, bonding with families and friends. Another negative effect is people can even suffer from mental stress or depression because of playing video games continuously for a long hour. The salient example, can be best seen in India, where more than 50% of people are found to be victim of mental diseases due to overuse of the pub, which is one of the most popular game. Finally, a sense of argument or even a crime is also a liable consequence of online games. Having said this, it is also true such video games have few benefits. Like, it is a fun activity to do in a leisure period for people. Some video games also convey an educational information while playing games. For instance, word meaning, word connects and many others are the most important games that help in some extent to build up the mind with knowledge. In conclusion, video games are now ubiquitous and inevitable, which have a plethora of disadvantages. Therefore, In my opinion, its shortcomings clearly overweigh its benefits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
increasingly
becoming popular day by day. Nowadays, with the boom in the field of technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are available to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
debated whether this form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has its merits or its demerits.
However
, in my opinion, it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which I will discuss over the course of the essay.

Undoubtedly
, there are various disadvantages associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
take away our precious time and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us isolated from our works and studies. That means, with an excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
distracts us from our daily activities and, mitigate our interactions and, bonding with families and friends. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can even suffer from mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
or depression
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
continuously
for a long hour. The salient example, can be best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in India, where more than 50% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are found
to be victim of mental diseases due to overuse of the pub, which is one of the most popular game.
Finally
, a sense of argument or even a crime is
also
a liable consequence of online games.

Having said this, it is
also
true such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have few benefits. Like, it is a fun activity to do in a leisure period for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
also
convey
'information' is a mass noun (i.e., uncountable). Therefore, the preceding 'an' is probably wrong.
an educational information
while playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
For instance
, word meaning, word connects and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent to build up the mind with knowledge.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
ubiquitous and inevitable, which have a plethora of disadvantages.
Therefore
, In my opinion, its shortcomings
clearly
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweigh
its benefits.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Some people regard video games as harmless fun or even as useful educational tool. Othera, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion do drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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