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Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. Do the advantages of video games outweigh the disadvantages? v.6

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. Do the advantages of video games outweigh the disadvantages? v. 6
There has been an argument on whether video gaming is beneficial or disadvantageous for people, and children in particular. Personally, despite its positive effects on the users, I believe that video games do more harm than good. On the one hand, there are a number of reasons why it can be argued that video games can be amusing and entertaining. Firstly, video games are often more appealing than the real-life pastimes, since the game players are transported into virtual worlds with colourful scenery and beautiful characters. Accordingly, playing video games can be considered a good form of entertainment for people to relieve stress and relax after tiring days at workplaces. Secondly, from an educational perspective, these games are likely to develop life skills such as problem-solving ability, smart decision-making and communication skills. To illustrate, a game called ''Escape Adventure Island'', which is a 3D game that helps youngsters practice maths, critical thinking skill and reading habits through virtual misson between two groups. Nevertheless, despite the aforementioned benefits, I would argue that video gaming can have a wide range of negative aspects. The first concern is that gaming can be highly habit-forming, because users are usually given expected scores and targets to promote the playing process. Therefore, a lot of young gamers now only take notice of the game and spend hours trying to progress with a view to becoming the winner and receiving rewards. They even sacrifice homework and stay up late just to play continuously. This type of addiction may result in bad consequences, such as low academic performance at school, tiredness or obesity. Additionally, with the widespread popularity of violent and shooting games in recent days, juvenile gamers can be easily affected and copy violent behaviours, as well as become more aggressive. In conclusion, it appears to me that the drawbacks of video games far outweigh its advantages in the long term due to the above-mentioned ground.
There has been an argument on whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
gaming is beneficial or disadvantageous for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, and children
in particular
.
Personally
, despite its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on the users, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
do more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.

On the one hand, there are a number of reasons why it can
be argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can be amusing and entertaining.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
more appealing than the real-life pastimes, since the game players
are transported
into virtual worlds with
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
scenery and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
characters.
Accordingly
, playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
be considered
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
form of entertainment for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and relax after tiring days at workplaces.
Secondly
, from an educational perspective, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are likely to develop life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as problem-solving ability, smart decision-making and communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. To illustrate, a game called ''Escape Adventure Island'', which is a 3D game that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
youngsters practice
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
, critical thinking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and reading habits through virtual
Possible spelling mistake found.
misson
between two groups.

Nevertheless
, despite the aforementioned benefits, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
gaming can have a wide range of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects. The
first
concern is that gaming can be
highly
habit-forming,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
users are
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
scores and targets to promote the playing process.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
young gamers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
take notice of the game and spend hours trying to progress with a view to becoming the winner and receiving rewards. They even sacrifice homework and stay up late
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to play
continuously
. This type of addiction may result in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
consequences, such as low academic performance at school, tiredness or obesity.
Additionally
, with the widespread popularity of violent and shooting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in recent days, juvenile gamers can be
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
and copy violent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
,
as well
as become more aggressive.

In conclusion
, it appears to me that the drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
far outweigh its advantages in the long term due to the above-mentioned ground.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. Do the advantages of video games outweigh the disadvantages? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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