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The pie charts give information about the farming products in two various areas of the country. The percentage of 4 products varied in 2 regions. v.1

The pie charts give information about the farming products in two various areas of the country. The percentage of 4 products varied in 2 regions. v. 1
It is believed by a few individuals that, the private life of people should be censored publicizing in media like newspaper, television and the internet. Whereas, others express a conflicting viewpoint and say the media have the right to publish it. The key concept of both views shall be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs. To begin with, some people think that the media are entitled to uncover human’s private life. Firstly, it reveals there would be no censored information in the media like newspaper, television and the internet. However, the sense of freedom will be increased among the citizens. That is how the trust appears in the society. Secondly, juveniles are following the celebrities. Definitely, many directors and producers tend into making variety genres of movies, concerning prominent and reputable persons. This will have an effect on the improvement of the community behaviour. On the other hand, those who claim the coverage of the personal lives by the media, believing that, different kind of social damages would be prohibited. As a result, the cyber criminals might be controlled. For instance, frauds are related to identity and bank robberies, that is why such these crimes will possibly be prevented. A negative idea is that, the number of the false rumours will be raised. Journalists certainly write news on their own benefits. That is because the community would be impressed by Economical and political gossips that stimulate the people’s interest. In conclusion, many people experience conflicts over the media showcase. Some observe the media have the right to publicize the personal lives of individuals because it motivates some people. Howsoever, others think it ought to be censored.
It
is believed
by a few individuals that, the private life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be censored
publicizing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
like newspaper, television and the internet. Whereas, others express a conflicting viewpoint and say the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have the right to publish it. The key concept of both views shall
be discussed
in the upcoming paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
are entitled
to uncover human’s private life.
Firstly
, it reveals there would be no censored information in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
like newspaper, television and the internet.
However
, the sense of freedom will
be increased
among the citizens.
That is
how the trust appears in the society.
Secondly
, juveniles are following the celebrities. Definitely,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
directors and producers tend into making variety genres of movies, concerning prominent and reputable persons. This will have an effect on the improvement of the community
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

On the other hand
, those who claim the coverage of the personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, believing that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of social damages would
be prohibited
.
As a result
, the cyber criminals might
be controlled
.
For instance
, frauds
are related
to identity and bank robberies,
that is
why such these crimes will
possibly
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is that, the number of the false
Possible spelling mistake found.
rumours
will
be raised
. Journalists
certainly
write news on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the community would
be impressed
by Economical and political gossips that stimulate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
interest.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
experience conflicts over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
showcase.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
observe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have the right to publicize the personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it motivates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Howsoever, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it ought to
be censored
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The pie charts give information about the farming products in two various areas of the country. The percentage of 4 products varied in 2 regions. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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