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Some people pursue career paths that lead to management position. Other follow career paths leading to positions of individual responsibility, which do not involve managing others. v.2

Some people pursue career paths that lead to management position. Other follow career paths leading to positions of individual responsibility, which do not involve managing others. v. 2
The journey of human beings from hunting and gathering society to modern society represents the story of success due to make rational decision during their life. There has been an ongoing debate as to whether person should follow a career by making leader responsibilities or not. While some people believe that being leader is a rational method for doing any duty, there are others holding the opposite idea on this point. From my perspective, pursue careers by choosing leadership responsibility can be surely a wise decision for doing work efficiently in that manager can make a plan based on crucial requirements, also she or he has an opportunity to take risk. The first reason which is to be considered here is that individual can desgin a plan according to reliable nessecities when person follows career as leadership position. As a matter of fact, people get better results in the short time by making personal plans. The same boiling water haredn egg and soften potato, it is argued that a good result is originated from a well-desgined plan not its condition: therefore, leader can grasp valuable results without paying attention to her or his conditions. Furthermore, leader have an opportunity to arrange team work by inviting experienced workers for working beside young members Experienced members not only protect a project from massive loss during reccesion but also broaden that new members' horizon of knowledge and experiences by sharing their own idea to new co-workers. Another factor which deserves to be maintained is that leader is able to take a risk for doing any career. In that case, unlike stress less atmosphere, leaders will exploit all their members' ability for achieving well results. Taking risk could be a dangerous gamble, but it is the price that leader has to pay for success: hence, they achieve their aims consecutively since arriving to one goal is the starting point to another. Additionally, leader has a rough responsibility by taking risk, they should encourage members in smarts ways for managing pressurizing in order to get better results. Let me give an example for getting it right. Rough condition allures leader to divide duties between members by persuading them to work hardly. It is argued that members do any duty in the short time since anything could be achievable anywhere anytime by the help of shred work. To put everything in a nutshell, being leader is rather than being a member of group reasoning that leader can do career based on personal plans.
The journey of human beings from hunting and gathering society to modern society represents the story of success due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
rational decision during their life. There has been an ongoing debate
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
person should follow a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
by making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
responsibilities or not. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
is a rational method for doing any duty, there are others holding the opposite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
on this point. From my perspective, pursue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
by choosing leadership responsibility can be
surely
a wise decision for doing work
efficiently
in that manager can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
based on crucial requirements,
also
she or he has an opportunity to take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.

The
first
reason which is to
be considered
here is that individual can
Possible spelling mistake found.
desgin
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
according to reliable
Possible spelling mistake found.
nessecities
when person follows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
as leadership position. As a matter of fact,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
in the short time by making personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
. The same boiling water
Possible spelling mistake found.
haredn
egg and soften potato, it
is argued
that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
is originated
from a
Possible spelling mistake found.
well-desgined
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
not its condition:
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
can grasp valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
without paying attention to her or his conditions.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
have an opportunity to arrange team work by inviting experienced workers for working beside young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
Experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
protect a project from massive loss during
Possible spelling mistake found.
reccesion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
broaden that new
Possible spelling mistake found.
members&
#039; horizon of knowledge and experiences by sharing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to new co-workers.

Another factor which deserves to
be maintained
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
is able to take a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
for doing any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
In that case
, unlike
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
less atmosphere,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
will exploit all their
Possible spelling mistake found.
members&
#039; ability for achieving well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
. Taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
could be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
gamble,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is the price that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
pay for success:
hence
, they achieve their aims
consecutively
since arriving to one goal is the starting point to another.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
has a rough responsibility by taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
, they should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
in smarts ways for managing pressurizing in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
me give an example for getting it right. Rough condition allures
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
to divide duties between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
by persuading them to work hardly. It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
do any duty in the short time since anything could be achievable anywhere anytime by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of shred work.

To put everything in a nutshell, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
is
rather
than being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
of group reasoning that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
can do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
based on personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people pursue career paths that lead to management position. Other follow career paths leading to positions of individual responsibility, which do not involve managing others. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
417 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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