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Some people prefer to pursue career paths that lead to management positions. Other people follow career paths leading to positions of individual responsibility, which do not involve managing others. Which one do you prefer? v.1

Some people prefer to pursue career paths that lead to management positions. Other people follow career paths leading to positions of individual responsibility, which do not involve managing others. Which one do you prefer? v. 1
Individuals pursue distinct careers based on their interests and their personality type. Although some prefer to follow a management position, some others are likely to conduct career paths ensuing to positions of individual responsibility. As my vantage point, I would rather the second type of career because it fits my personality and my goals. To begin with, I would like to lead a career with individual responsibility because it is easier. For me, a life full of stress and high workload is intolerable. I wish to do a routine job with least amount of stress and enjoy my day-to-day activities. Working like this, I will feel happier. Is there anything more important than that? probably not. Moreover, this type of career fits my personality and lifestyle. I would like to work until afternoon and then take care of my personal and family life. For example, I would like to go to gym and workout or go to park with my wife and kids. As far as i' m concerned people at management positions often work late and put themselves into extreme. Sometimes they work all weekend. Because of the stress and pressure from work, they can not allot enough time and attention to family affairs and their children. What' s more, these persons may not have sufficient time for entertainment. They always think about their job and their responsibilities. Besides easier lifestyle, the amazing aspect of careers with individual responsibility is safety. What I mean about safety is that I don' t have to take risks or worry about financial losses. When a person is in charge of something, taking risk is a common part of his or her life. Managing a company, sometimes, needs venture. That' s exactly what I’m terrible at. I neither want to nor can afford to take risk, because every time I tried to make a venturous decision, I made mistakes. In addition, taking risk and having responsibilities for others may cause severe financial losses. No one knows what would happen in the future. Maybe you trust an excellent employee to accomplish a task, but what you get at the end is complete failure. Who is going to compensate for the losses? The answer is the manager. I really don' t want to be in such positions. I seek a normal and safe life enjoying with my family. Because I have a family to take care of, I can' t take risks, which affect their life and future too. All in all, people conduct different careers. While some prefer career paths with management positions and lots of responsibility, some others, including me, prefer career paths ensuing to positions of individual responsibility. This lifestyle is easy, safe, and delightful.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Individuals
pursue distinct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
based on their interests and their personality type. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prefer to follow a management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others are likely to conduct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
paths ensuing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
. As my vantage point, I would
rather
the second type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it fits my personality and my goals.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I would like to lead a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is easier. For me, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
full of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and high workload is intolerable. I wish to do a routine job with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and enjoy my day-to-day activities. Working like this, I will feel happier. Is there anything more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than that?
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
probably
not.
Moreover
, this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
fits my personality and lifestyle. I would like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
until afternoon and then take care of my personal and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
, I would like to go to gym and workout or go to park with my wife and kids. As far as
Possible spelling mistake found.
i&
#039; m concerned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
late and put themselves into extreme.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
all weekend.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and pressure from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they can not allot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time and attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
affairs and their children.
Possible spelling mistake found.
What&
#039; s more, these persons may not have sufficient time for entertainment. They always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about their job and their responsibilities.

Besides
easier lifestyle, the amazing aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
is safety. What I mean about safety is that I
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
or worry about financial losses. When a person is in charge of something, taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
is a common part of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Managing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, needs venture.
Possible spelling mistake found.
That&
#039; s exactly what I’m terrible at. I neither want to nor can afford to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every time I tried to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a venturous decision, I made mistakes.
In addition
, taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
and having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
for others may cause severe financial losses. No one knows what would happen in the future. Maybe you trust an excellent employee to accomplish a task,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
what you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
is complete failure. Who is going to compensate for the losses? The answer is the manager. I
really
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t want to be in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
. I seek a normal and safe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
enjoying with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
I have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to take care of, I
Possible spelling mistake found.
can&
#039; t take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
, which affect their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
and future too.

All in all,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
conduct
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
paths with management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
and lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others, including me, prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
paths ensuing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
. This lifestyle is easy, safe, and delightful.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Some people prefer to pursue career paths that lead to management positions. Other people follow career paths leading to positions of individual responsibility, which do not involve managing others. Which one do you prefer? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
453 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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