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at universities and colleges, sports are just important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support v.2

at universities and colleges, sports are just important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support v. 2
While some people believe that university should invest money on building library, others vote on circulating money in sport activities. I think the later point of view is preferable than former one because not only it improve professors and students mind capabilities but also increase university income. The first subtle point to support this idea is enhancing teachers and students health. Sport activity has remarkable results on body tissues specially the ability of brain to remember and solving problems. Since university faculty members participate in classrooms, they energy and tolerance in the class will be decreased gradually, so that, they need rest and comfort place and activities to refilling their energy in future sessions. In addition, sport activities create a suitable atmosphere for both students and teachers to build interpersonal relationship. Students can come to contact with their teachers to abandon boring times of class. The second reasons which can be convincing is that university by performing this plan, have able to rising it’s invest. Sport exhibition or championship provides a competitive environment to absorb money into university. These kinds of activities help students to extend their knowledge and sparkle imagination and motivate professors to address their projects on sport field. Furthermore, sport gyms and their facilities help students to participate in championship all cross the country. University plan pave the way to exploring new talent in specific sports which leads to absorbing money from government and private companies to invest on new champions originated from university sport activities. All in all, universities should invest more money in sport rather than in library. In that, sport can increase the mind abilities of both faculty members and students, improves social relationship, explore new champions and absorb money into university
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on building library, others vote on circulating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the later point of view is preferable than former one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
it
Did you mean "improves"?
improve
professors and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
mind capabilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
income.

The
first
subtle point to support this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is enhancing teachers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
has remarkable results on body tissues
specially
the ability of brain to remember and solving problems. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
faculty members participate in classrooms,
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they energy
and tolerance in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
will
be decreased
gradually
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that, they need rest and comfort place and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to refilling their energy in future sessions.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
create a suitable atmosphere for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and teachers to build interpersonal relationship.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to contact with their teachers to abandon boring times of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

The second reasons which can be convincing is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
by performing this plan, have able to rising
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (short form of 'it is')?
it’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invest
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sport
exhibition or championship provides a competitive environment to absorb
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. These kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to extend their knowledge and sparkle imagination and motivate professors to address their projects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
field.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
gyms and their facilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to participate in championship all cross the country.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
plan pave the way to exploring new talent in specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
which leads to absorbing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invest
on new champions originated from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
activities.

All in all,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invest
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
rather
than in library. In that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
can increase the mind abilities of both faculty members and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
social relationship, explore new champions and absorb
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
into
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
university
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay at universities and colleges, sports are just important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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