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Some people propose that smoking should be banned completely instead of only in public areas. What is your opinion? v.1

Some people propose that smoking should be banned completely instead of only in public areas. What is your opinion? v. 1
In certain parts of the world, governments have taken the initiative to prohibit smoking in public areas. Many people believe there should be a complete ban on smoking and this essay will cite the ways this habit has adversely affected the society. Smoking, otherwise known for its deleterious effects on health, contributes a significant burden on the budget of a country. Its consumption not only leads to numerous diseases in the active smoker, but doing so does not spare nearby people either. Numerous studies in renowned medical journals like The Lancet indicate that surprisingly a passive smoker is at twice the risk of developing a smoking-related disease compared with the active consumer. Furthermore, the patients acquiring these conditions, when admitted in government hospitals create major health care expenses. This phenomenon strains not only the budget of emerging economies, who have more pressing issues to focus on, but the affluent ones as well. In addition to the health concerns, a humongous quantity of litter is discarded in the environment in the form of cigarette butts. This fact can be appreciated by taking a stride across the city, where one would spot countless cigarette butts lining the roads and footpaths, even if it is a developed metropolis in question. Moreover, the impact of this litter is not just limited to the aesthetic aspects of an environment, but every year more wildfires are caused by smoker's debris than natural sources, an article in The Guardian quotes. Therefore, it is crucial that the public be made aware of these repercussions and the state be pressurised to ban smoking before it's too late. To conclude, smoking, in addition to being the source of significant financial strain on the economy; also leads to numerous harmful consequences for the environment. Hence in my opinion, it must be entirely banned by the government.
In certain parts of the world,
governments
have taken the initiative to prohibit
smoking
in public areas.
Many
people
believe there should be a complete ban on
smoking
and this essay will cite the ways this habit has
adversely
affected
the society.

Smoking,
otherwise
known for its deleterious effects on health, contributes a significant burden on the budget of a country. Its consumption not
only
leads to numerous diseases in the active smoker,
but
doing
so
does not spare nearby
people
either. Numerous studies in renowned medical journals like The Lancet indicate that
surprisingly
a passive smoker is at twice the
risk
of developing a smoking-related disease compared with the active consumer.
Furthermore
, the patients acquiring these conditions, when admitted in
government
hospitals create major health care expenses. This phenomenon strains not
only
the budget of emerging economies, who have more pressing issues to focus on,
but
the affluent ones
as well
.

In addition
to the health concerns, a humongous quantity of litter
is discarded
in the environment in the form of cigarette butts. This fact can
be appreciated
by taking a stride across the city, where one would spot countless cigarette butts lining the roads and footpaths, even if it is a developed metropolis in question.
Moreover
, the impact of this litter is not
just
limited to the aesthetic aspects of an environment,
but
every year more wildfires
are caused
by smoker's debris than natural sources, an article in The Guardian quotes.
Therefore
, it is crucial that the public
be made
aware of these repercussions and the state be
pressurised
to ban
smoking
before
it's too late.

To conclude
,
smoking
,
in addition
to being the source of significant financial strain on the economy;
also
leads to numerous harmful consequences for the environment.
Hence
in my opinion, it
must
be
entirely
banned by the
government
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people propose that smoking should be banned completely instead of only in public areas. What is your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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