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Reading fiction (such as novels and short stories) is more enjoyable than watching movies. v.1

Reading fiction (such as novels and short stories) is more enjoyable than watching movies. v. 1
Some people prefer to read fiction. However, others like to watch movies. Personally, I think that the question whether reading fiction is more enjoyable than watching movies is a controversial one. For several reasons, which I will mention below, I think each of these options has its advantages. From the one side, reading fiction brings many benefits. First of all, a book can be taken anywhere one goes. For example, while travelling or just taking a bus one can read a book. When I was a student a couple years ago I used to read books while taking a boring lecture. Second of all, reading extends one's vocabulary, improves reading and even writing skills. Reading is essential for children. It extends their range of interests, improves their imagination and helps them gain more knowledge and experience through books. When I was a child my mom always made me read a lot of books. Thanks to her, I did not have a problem with writing different kinds of essays in the school and I got only high grades. From the other side, watching movies has many benefits too. Firstly, movies usually have more influence on people, their behaviour and mood. In addition, watching a movie in a movie theatre gives many advantages such as sound effects, a large screen, etc. Secondly, it is a good way to relax with one's friends, eliminate stress and tension and just have a good time. My husband and I like to watch a movie on Sunday evenings. We drink coffee, eat grapes or apples and make comments while watching the movie. In addition to these benefits, watching movie takes less time than reading the whole book in most of the cases. In conclusion, I think that there is no doubt that watching a movie is more enjoyable and impressive than reading a book. However, reading a book brings more benefits for people in general. Moreover, children should spend more time reading books than watching different kinds of movies because scientists say that watching movies has much less use for the growing child.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
fiction.
However
, others like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "the question".
the question whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
fiction is more enjoyable than watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
is a controversial one. For several reasons, which I will mention below, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
each of these options has its advantages.

From the one side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
fiction brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
can
be taken
anywhere one goes.
For example
, while travelling or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
taking a bus one can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
I was a student a
Did you mean "couple of"? (In formal written English 'of' should follow 'couple'.)
couple
years ago I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
while taking a boring lecture. Second of all,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
extends one's vocabulary,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
and even writing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Reading
is essential for children. It extends their range of interests,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their imagination and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them gain more knowledge and experience through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
I was a child my mom always made me
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. Thanks to her, I did not have a problem with writing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of essays in the school and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
high grades.

From the other side, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
too.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
usually
have more influence on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and mood.
In addition
, watching a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages such as sound effects, a large screen, etc.
Secondly
, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to relax with one's friends, eliminate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and tension and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
time. My husband and I like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
on Sunday evenings. We drink coffee, eat grapes or apples and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
comments while watching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
.
In addition
to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
takes less time than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
in most of the cases.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there is no doubt that watching a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
is more enjoyable and impressive than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
brings more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in general
.
Moreover
, children should spend more time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
than watching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
scientists say that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
has much less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for the growing child.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Reading fiction (such as novels and short stories) is more enjoyable than watching movies. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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