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Some people prefer to rent accommodations while others buy their own home. Does renting a house or apartment have more advantages than buying one? v.3

Some people prefer to rent accommodations while others buy their own home. Does renting a house or apartment have more advantages than buying one? v. 3
Some part of the population believes that parents should groom their children into healthy members of the social groups, whereas, remaining population believes that it's the job of their school teachers. My opinion is not only parents but also teachers have considerable part to play in educating children on how to be good members of society. Children spend most of their time with their parents both in the evenings and weekends. This gives parents great opportunity to introduce their kids to different aspects of a humanity. For example, they can take their offsprings to various volunteering opportunities around the city where kids can understand the different needs of people and help them in areas where they need support. Along with that donating their toys and clothes to those in need is a great way for children to learn about sharing and supporting those who are not wealthy. On the other hand, it should be noted that teachers have a more official role to play in imparting various knowledge in their pupils about building a healthy community and offering their time to parts of the population that are underprivileged. Teachers can build a specific curriculum which explains about historical stories about how the social structure was built over several decades and discuss modern research and findings about social dynamics. Along with that teachers can ask students to write assignments about how they wish to add value to their society either in their neighbourhood or in other communities they are part of. In conclusion, I believe both parents and teachers play an equal role in teaching children how to be good members of society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of the population believes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should groom their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
into healthy members of the social groups, whereas, remaining population believes that it's the job of their school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. My opinion is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have considerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
to play in educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on how to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
members of society.

Children spend most of their time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
both in the evenings and weekends. This gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
great opportunity to introduce their kids to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of a humanity.
For example
, they can take their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
to various volunteering opportunities around the city where kids can understand the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
needs of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in areas where they need support. Along with that donating their toys and clothes to those in need is a great way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn about sharing and supporting those who are not wealthy.

On the other hand
, it should
be noted
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have a more official role to play in imparting various knowledge in their pupils about building a healthy community and offering their time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parts
of the population that
are underprivileged
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teachers
can build a specific curriculum which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
about historical stories about how the social structure
was built
over several decades and discuss modern research and findings about social dynamics. Along with that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can ask students to write assignments about how they wish to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
value to their society either in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
or in other communities they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of.

In conclusion
, I believe both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
play an equal role in teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
members of society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Some people prefer to rent accommodations while others buy their own home. Does renting a house or apartment have more advantages than buying one? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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