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Some people prefer to rent accommodations while others buy their own home. Does renting a house or apartment have more advantages than buying one? v.2

Some people prefer to rent accommodations while others buy their own home. Does renting a house or apartment have more advantages than buying one? v. 2
Few believe renting a home is better than buying one of their own. I believe, renting an accommodation is safer and profitable than owning a one. Let’s discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of this topic in the below passage. Buying a house has a few advantages in the sense of holding a secured property in the hands. The property will be helpful for applying a loan from the Banks and Insurance companies with a reasonable amount of interest by keeping the documents as a security. Having a house of our own also reduce the hassle of paying rent every month and eliminates the pain of rules imposed by the owners. For example, My manager recently has purchased a villa of his own and enjoying his life by swimming in his private pool and partying every week with his close relatives. On the other end, Renting has more advantages than buying a new one. Living in a rental accommodation instead of buying keeps the person in a safer position. Purchasing a house may lead to many problems if there isn’t enough money to invest or opting a loan for it requires a person to pay the instalment amount for several years which is very troublesome. A survey report from Bloomberg stated that more than 30 percent of the people suffering to pay the monthly loan instalments and 20 percent of them already filed a bankruptcy to relieve from the burden. One of my friend diversified his saving's in mutual funds and commodities instead of buying an asset for living, consecutively every year he is now seeing 25% margins in returns. To conclude, even though few people has interest to buy a home, it’s always better to go for a rental accommodation which reduces a lot of burden on their own shoulders. People opt for rent not have the authority, but it at least save’s money in the pocket.
Few believe renting a home is better than
buying
one of their
own
. I believe, renting
an accommodation
is safer and profitable than owning a one.
Let
’s discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of this topic in the below passage.

Buying a
house
has a few advantages in the sense of holding a secured property in the hands. The property will be helpful for applying a loan from the Banks and Insurance
companies
with a reasonable amount of
interest by
keeping the documents as a security. Having a
house
of our
own
also
reduce
the hassle of paying rent every month and eliminates the pain of
rules
imposed by the owners.
For example
, My manager recently has
purchased
a villa of his
own
and enjoying his life by swimming in his private pool and partying every week with his close relatives.

On the other
end
, Renting has more advantages than
buying
a new one. Living in
a rental accommodation
instead
of
buying
keeps
the person in a safer position. Purchasing a
house
may lead to
many
problems if there isn’t
enough
money to invest or opting a loan for it requires a person to pay the
instalment
amount for several years which is
very
troublesome. A survey report from Bloomberg stated that more than 30 percent of the
people
suffering to pay the monthly loan
instalments
and 20 percent of them already filed a bankruptcy to relieve from the burden. One of my friend diversified his saving's in mutual funds and commodities
instead
of
buying
an asset for living,
consecutively
every year he is
now
seeing 25% margins in returns.

To conclude
,
even though
few
people
has
interest to
buy
a home, it’s always better to go for a rental accommodation which
reduces
a lot of
burden on their
own
shoulders.
People
opt for rent not have the authority,
but
it at least save’s money in the pocket.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Some people prefer to rent accommodations while others buy their own home. Does renting a house or apartment have more advantages than buying one? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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