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Some people prefer to read fiction in their leisure time. Others prefer to read non-fiction in their free time. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. v.1

Some people prefer to read fiction in their leisure time. Others prefer to read non-fiction in their free time. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. v. 1
In an era of computerization, information technology has become an integral part of each person and we are becoming more reliant on this automation in many fields of our lives. While technology enhances our living standards, I believe it may also have a detrimental impact on the way we live every day. One of the clearest drawbacks can be seen in young people’s living habits in the modern age. Children now are spending more time to use such devices such as computers, smart phones in order to entertain rather than develop their education level. This issue has led to a variety of complaints from parents, they think kids should use technology for useful purposes, particularly, study. Moreover, misusing automation can also harm users if the purpose is not logical. Eyesore, CVS, also known as computer vision syndrome, or obesity are the examples of unreasonable usage of data processing devices. Despite the disadvantages, it cannot be denied that information technology has made many aspects of life much easier and more convenient. If we could turn back time, people had to send letters and wait for a long time to receive responses; nowadays, just a click away, we can make a flash connection with everybody around the world thanks to social network. Another aspect worth concerning, is the huge benefits of using means of machinery. The Internet is an internal resource of knowledge that students, workers can rely on to to smooth down tasks given. In conclusion, it is clear that there are some harmful aspects of scientific tech. However, if people take advantages of it sensibly and regular breaks are taken from the devices, there are only benefits that remain.
In an era of computerization, information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has become an integral part of each
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
person and
we are becoming more reliant on this automation in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
enhances our living standards, I believe it may
also
have a detrimental impact on the way we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
every day.

One of the clearest drawbacks can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s living habits in the modern age. Children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
are spending more time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
such devices such as computers, smart phones in order to entertain
rather
than develop their education level. This issue has led to a variety of complaints from parents, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
kids should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
for useful purposes,
particularly
, study.
Moreover
, misusing automation can
also
harm users if the purpose is not logical. Eyesore, CVS,
also
known as computer vision syndrome, or obesity are the examples of unreasonable usage of data processing devices.

Despite the disadvantages, it cannot
be denied
that information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of life much easier and more convenient. If we could turn back time,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
letters and wait for a long time to receive responses; nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a click away, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a flash connection with everybody around the world thanks to social network. Another aspect worth concerning, is the huge benefits of using means of machinery. The Internet is an internal resource of knowledge that students, workers can rely on
Possible typo: you repeated a word
to to
smooth down tasks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
harmful aspects of scientific tech.
However
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
take advantages of it
sensibly
and regular breaks
are taken
from the devices, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefits that remain.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Some people prefer to read fiction in their leisure time. Others prefer to read non-fiction in their free time. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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