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Some people prefer to provide help or support directly to the local community. Others prefer to give money to national or international charitable organizations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people prefer to provide help or support directly to the local community. Others prefer to give money to national or international charitable organizations. v. 1
Today poverty is still on full display anywhere in the world, even from the sparkling and vibrant streets of Los Angeles, or to the less glamorous district of Mumbai city. In the fight against poverty, help is at hand. However, a bone of contention remains whether people should directly support the underprivileged or give their donations to charities. This essay will look at this issue from both perspectives. There are clearly justifications for why some funders would rather help the poor by themselves. First of all, help is given instantly as there is no paperwork, no collection, no delivery involved. It would also mean that no money is lost into the pockets of corrupt government officials. Second of all, it has been found that a considerable number of recipients of aid programs spend money on children’s education or healthcare, rather than alcohol or cigarettes. Therefore, development can be easily promoted. However, the idea of giving cash directly to the poor is also treated with skepticism by many people who otherwise suggest that money or any other type of donation should be given to charity organisations. Their main argument is that for the people whose lives have always been devoid of material possessions or money, knowing how to manage the financial aids is out of the question. There are many cases that poor people use the money to start businesses; however, bankruptcy is imminent due to their lack of knowledge regarding financial management. For this reason, charities, which can distribute the funds in a more effective way, prove their prominent roles in improving living standards of the impoverished. To conclude, I am inclined to think that giving money to charities is a better way to end poverty as it deals with deeper causes of the issue in the long run.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
poverty is
still
on full display anywhere in the world, even from the sparkling and vibrant streets of Los Angeles, or to the less glamorous district of Mumbai city. In the fight against poverty,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
is at hand.
However
, a bone of contention remains whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
directly
support the underprivileged or give their donations to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charities
. This essay will look at this issue from both perspectives.

There are
clearly
justifications for why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
funders would
rather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the poor by themselves.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
instantly
as there is no paperwork, no collection, no delivery involved. It would
also
mean that no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is lost
into the pockets of corrupt
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
officials. Second of all, it has
been found
that a considerable number of recipients of aid programs spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on children’s education or healthcare,
rather
than alcohol or cigarettes.
Therefore
, development can be
easily
promoted.

However
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of giving cash
directly
to the poor is
also
treated with skepticism by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
otherwise
suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
or any other type of donation should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
. Their main argument is that for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
have always been devoid of material possessions or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, knowing how to manage the financial aids is out of the question. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases that poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
businesses;
however
, bankruptcy is imminent due to their lack of knowledge regarding financial management.
For this reason
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charities
, which can distribute the funds in a more effective way, prove their prominent roles in improving living standards of the impoverished.

To conclude
, I
am inclined
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charities
is a better way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
poverty as it deals with deeper causes of the issue in the long run.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Some people prefer to provide help or support directly to the local community. Others prefer to give money to national or international charitable organizations. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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