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Some people prefer to live in the same place most of their life, but others like to live in different places. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people prefer to live in the same place most of their life, but others like to live in different places. v. 2
With modernization, people have changed their preferences of living according to their choices. It has been observed that some people spend their life in one area, whereas others enjoy living in different areas to explore new cultures and lifestyles. The essay will firstly elaborate the viewpoint of living in one area followed by metrics of spending life in various places. The primary reason citizens prefer to live with their families and relatives because of safety and living cost. Besides, not only they became familiar with their native places, but also migrating to another location requires several arrangements and setup cost. For instance, if a person has spent his childhood in one place with loved ones, then he has emotionally attached to their home town and neighbourhood. Furthermore, there is not discrimination when living in domestic places and are considered safest. Hence, they choose not settle in different cities. On the other hand, with the advancement in technology, young generation want to live in more developed areas of a country. Moreover, they are keen to learn the latest technology and to acquire more knowledge and experience, they settle in developed cities. For instance, in competitive era, students prefer to go to foreign countries to pursue their studies. Apart from education, developed areas provide advance amenities to ease lifestyle. Therefore, to achieve success and for betterment of life, masses shift to other areas. To conclude, in my opinion, residing at native place is more advantageous to individual and society as it provides safety and familiarity with that area. Additionally, setup cost and arrangement efforts reduce while staying in same place.
With modernization,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their preferences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
according to their choices. It has
been observed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spend their life in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
, whereas others enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to explore new cultures and lifestyles. The essay will
firstly
elaborate the viewpoint of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
followed by metrics of spending life in various places.

The primary reason citizens prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their families and relatives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of safety and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
cost.
Besides
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they became familiar with their native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
migrating to another location requires several arrangements and setup cost.
For instance
, if a person has spent his childhood in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones, then he has
emotionally
attached to their home town and
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
.
Furthermore
, there is not discrimination when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
and
are considered
safest.
Hence
, they choose not
This verb is used with the infinitive: "to settle"
settle
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cities.

On the other hand
, with the advancement in technology, young generation want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in more developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
of a country.
Moreover
, they are keen to learn the latest technology and to acquire more knowledge and experience, they settle in developed cities.
For instance
, in competitive era, students prefer to go to foreign countries to pursue their studies. Apart from education, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
provide advance amenities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
lifestyle.
Therefore
, to achieve success and for betterment of life, masses shift to other areas.

To conclude
, in my opinion, residing at native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
is more advantageous to individual and society as it provides safety and familiarity with that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
.
Additionally
, setup cost and arrangement efforts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
while staying in same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people prefer to live in the same place most of their life, but others like to live in different places. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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