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Some people prefer to live in hot climates, whereas others love the lifestyle in countries with cold climates. Discuss both views and explain which climate you prefer. v.2

Some people prefer to live in hot climates, whereas others love the lifestyle in countries with cold climates. v. 2
People have contrary arguments about which type of climate is more convenient for enjoying life. While a group of people prefers to live in the cold temperature, I agree with the other group who accepts that climate with a high temperature degree is the most enjoyable climate. There are some relevant advantages, why some people enjoy more the experience of cold climate than the one of the hottest climates. Firstly, families can get enough time to spend with each other because people are not able to be out for a long time outside the home where the temperature is very low. This helps family members to share talking and doing some activities together, as a result, the bonds between them become much stronger. Secondly, in the winter people can get the merit of clean streets with much less noise, because there are usually fewer people and less vehicles. Consequently, people would experience the peaceful atmosphere with more healthy and fresh air. Finally, the cold atmosphere can help individuals to preserve the food for a long time with little need for refrigerators, unlike the hot climate which provides a suitable medium for the growth of different fungus which cause the food rot. However, I support the view of the other group who believe that hot weather has far more benefits than the cold one. One major positive outcome of the summer season is that people can enjoy being out in the sun and doing outdoor activities. For example, residents of hot countries can enjoy swimming in the sea, spending their day sunbathing and having their meals in the open-air areas. Another benefit, people can show their personality and beauty in the hot condition because they can wear gorgeous and beautiful clothes rather than thick and heavy winter coats. In fact, this helps them to feel comfort and confidence. Furthermore, the high climate degree is more desirable for many people, especially the elders and babies. This is because the hot weather conditions provide harmful environment for different pathogenic microorganisms, such as bacteria and viruses. Consequently, people become away from the risks of certain diseases like influenza and pneumonia. Finally, although there are some relevant factors in favour of the cold climate, I believe that the hot weather offers more advantages that far exceed those of the low temperature condition.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have contrary arguments about which type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
is more convenient for enjoying life. While a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the other group who accepts that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
with a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
degree is the most enjoyable climate.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
relevant advantages, why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy more the experience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
than the one of the hottest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climates
.
Firstly
, families can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to spend with each other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not able to be out for a long time outside the home where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
family members to share talking and doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities together,
as a result
, the bonds between them become much stronger.
Secondly
, in the winter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the merit of clean streets with much less noise,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
usually
fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun vehicles is countable.
less
vehicles.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would experience the peaceful atmosphere with more healthy and fresh air.
Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cold
atmosphere can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
individuals to preserve the food for a long time with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
need for refrigerators, unlike the hot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
which provides a suitable medium for the growth of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fungus which cause the food rot.

However
, I support the view of the other group who believe that hot weather has far more benefits than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cold
one. One major
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcome of
Consider using "summer".
the summer season
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can enjoy being out in the sun and doing outdoor activities.
For example
, residents of hot countries can enjoy swimming in the sea, spending their day sunbathing and having their meals in the open-air areas. Another benefit,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their personality and beauty in the hot condition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can wear gorgeous and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
clothes
rather
than thick and heavy winter coats. In fact, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to feel comfort and confidence.
Furthermore
, the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
degree is more desirable for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
the elders and babies. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the hot weather conditions provide harmful environment for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
pathogenic microorganisms, such as bacteria and viruses.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become away from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of certain diseases like influenza and pneumonia.

Finally
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
relevant factors in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
, I believe that the hot weather offers more advantages that far exceed those of the low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
condition.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people prefer to live in hot climates, whereas others love the lifestyle in countries with cold climates. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
387 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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