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Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages to living in an apartment. Are there more advantages than disadvantages of living in a house compared with living in an apartment? v.14

Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages to living in an apartment. Are there more advantages than disadvantages of living in a house compared with living in an apartment? v. 14
The number of people who are reluctant to go to the shopping centers have gone up in the last decades with the development of technology. Especially, people who habe busy work schedules prefer to purchase products on the Internet. E-commerce takes the initiative to develop online shopping. That's why, e-commerce offers a vital advantage. However, it has an obvious drawback which should be taken into account. A remarkable advantage of e-commerce is that it provides consumers to access a lot of stores in seconds. Some people cannot allocate time to buy products at malls. For instance, if women have a child who should be taken care, mothers cannot go to the shopping centres due to their responsibilities. Another example, some students cannot go to the shopping centresbecause of the fact that their parents do not allow that they go to the malls all alone. That's why, they prefer to use the Internet instead of wasting time at shopping centres. In addition, when we go to the malls, we can look for limited stores and brands at malls. However, if we prefer e-commerce, we can access a great amount of markets thanks to the websites. Moreover, we may be tired by visiting stores at malls. Yet, we can reach e-commerce whenever we want. On the other hand, when it comes to the drawback of e-commerce, it is well-known fact that information technology security-issues are threatened by cyber criminals. For instance, consumers may undergo cyber bullying by threatening with their credit card information. Moreover, their credit cards may be used by cyber criminals without their permission. People who cannot use the Internet efficiently may have difficulty in finding secure websites. Furthermore, consumers have no chance to try clothes which are purchased. In the result of buying without trial, clothes may do not fit on consumers. To conclude, using the online opportunities in order to purchase products is attributed to remarkable advantages and disadvantages. Consumers tend to pick e-commerce because of the fact that it offers thousands of stores. Yet, e-commerce may pose the treat to the private information of consumers.
The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are reluctant to go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
centers have gone up in the last decades with the development of technology.
Especially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Possible spelling mistake found.
habe
busy work schedules prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
products on the Internet.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
E-commerce
takes the initiative to develop online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. That's why,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
e-commerce
offers a vital advantage.
However
, it has an obvious drawback which should
be taken
into account.

A remarkable advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
e-commerce
is that it provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
to access
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
in seconds.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot allocate time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
products at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
.
For instance
, if women have a child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
should
be taken
care, mothers cannot go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
due to their responsibilities. Another example,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students cannot go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake found.
centresbecause
of the fact that their parents do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
that they go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
all alone. That's why, they prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the Internet
instead
of wasting time at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
In addition
, when we go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
, we can look for limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
and brands at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
.
However
, if we prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
e-commerce
, we can access a great amount of markets thanks to the websites.
Moreover
, we may
be tired
by visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
.
Yet
, we can reach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
e-commerce
whenever we want.

On the other hand
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the drawback of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
e-commerce
, it is well-known fact that information technology security-issues
are threatened
by cyber criminals.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
may undergo
This word is normally spelled as one.
cyber bullying
by threatening with their credit card information.
Moreover
, their credit cards may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by cyber criminals without their permission.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the Internet
efficiently
may have difficulty in finding secure websites.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
have no chance to try clothes which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
. In the result of buying without trial, clothes may do not fit on consumers.

To conclude
, using the online opportunities in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
products
is attributed
to remarkable advantages and disadvantages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Consumers
tend to pick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
e-commerce
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
it offers thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
.
Yet
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
e-commerce
may pose the treat to the private information of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages to living in an apartment. Are there more advantages than disadvantages of living in a house compared with living in an apartment? v. 14

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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