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Some people prefer to do sports that are solitary, like swimming or jogging. Others like to do group sports, like volleyball or basketball. Which do you prefer and why? Use reasons and examples to support your response. v.1

Some people prefer to do sports that are solitary, like swimming or jogging. Others like to do group sports, like volleyball or basketball. Which do you prefer and why? Use reasons and examples to support your response. v. 1
A company’s productivity mainly depends on the staff’s talents in different aspects. While some people think that when hiring people the company’s priority should be finding people who are creative and self-reliant, others argue that the skill to work in a team is more important. I believe both independence and teamwork are necessary skills for an employee. To begin with, people who are innovative bring new ideas to their work and aid to the development of the institution they work in. Innovation is very crucial for the progress of the any organisation. A business group, for example, may not experience growth when they follow the same path for many years. An innovative and independent employee would be able to take decisions according to the situation and lead the company to success. Moreover, a person who is having many ideas tends to share his thoughts with the other colleagues and encourage them to be innovative. On the other hand, according to some people, team work is more vital compared to the other skills. The reason behind this is that in their opinion, the employees have to complete their projects or tasks as a team. No one is actually taking individual decisions. In fact they are following instructions given by their managers. Sometimes individual decisions even cause clash among employees. Furthermore, they argue that in most cases, the freshly hired employees start as juniors. They do not immediately go to managerial positions that require them to make independent decisions. Majority of the decisions are taken by the senior staff. Therefore the quality of self reliance is irrelevant in most occasions. To conclude, both the traits of independence and team work play different roles in the growth of the company. So in my opinion both these qualities are equally important for the success of an organisation.
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
productivity
mainly
depends on the staff’s talents in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that when hiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
priority should be finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are creative and self-reliant, others argue that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. I believe both independence and teamwork are necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for an employee.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are innovative bring new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and aid to the development of the institution they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in. Innovation is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial for the progress of the any
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
. A business group,
for example
, may not experience growth when they follow the same path for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years. An innovative and independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
would be able to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
according to the situation and lead the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to success.
Moreover
, a person who is having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
tends to share his thoughts with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
colleagues and encourage them to be innovative.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is more vital compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. The reason behind this is that in their opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
complete their projects or tasks as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
. No one is actually taking individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
. In
The comma is probably missing here: "fact, they".
fact they
are following instructions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by their managers.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
even cause clash among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
Furthermore
, they argue that
in most cases
, the
freshly
hired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
as juniors. They do not immediately go to managerial positions that require them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
. Majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
are taken
by the senior staff.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
the quality of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self reliance
is irrelevant in most occasions.

To conclude
, both the traits of independence and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
roles in the growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in my opinion both these qualities are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the success of an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people prefer to do sports that are solitary, like swimming or jogging. Others like to do group sports, like volleyball or basketball. Which do you prefer and why? Use reasons and examples to support your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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