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The line graph shows the number of players in four different sports (badminton, tennis, basketball, rugby) in a particular European country between 1985 and 2005. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons v.1

The line graph shows the number of players in four different sports (badminton, tennis, basketball, rugby) in a particular European country between 1985 and 2005.
Since last two decades, technology has advanced in a great pace, and has been embraced by almost everyone in the society. What is the benefit of this mechanism to the mankind? Albeit, some people conceive that this modern mechanic is propitious for social interactions, yet, others argue against this thought. I strongly advocate the lateral view for multifarious factors. In this essay we will discuss both the shores and will draw an inference. The modern tech system has relieved human to a great extent, hence, inducing an opportunity for them to spend more time with their near and dear ones. People use these modern systems like washing machines, I robot vacuum cleaner and so on, to get their work done with just a click of a button. Therefore, they get spare time to socialize in their community, which in retrospect was not possible because most of the work being manually done. To illustrate, it is evident to see people enjoying together at various clubs, parks, restaurants with their family, relatives and friends, as their work is majorly done with the help of machines. Having said that, modern system act as a catalyst for people to commune. On the other hand, some contend that this advancement has shown a detrimental effect on the real-time interaction of people in their association. With progress in internet, social media, computers and mobile phones, human preference has shifted towards staying in the comfort of their homes, rather than going out. They do not realize the value of mingling around with others, as they get enough interaction with others online. A study by psychology department of Ontario University states that with usage of technology fraternizing has reduced to 45%, then it used to be in the year 2015, which is a considerable reduction. Therefore, the disadvantages definitely outweighs the advantages. To recapitulate, having mulled over above information and deliberating all the facts, it can be deducted that people living in modern high-tech society are much more fragmented and isolated, then the ones at hindsight. I personally feel, that the technology has a pernicious effect on the association, making people more interested in virtual interactions. It, further, seems to continue in future.
Since last two decades, technology has advanced in a great pace, and has
been embraced
by almost everyone in the society. What is the benefit of this mechanism to the mankind? Albeit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
conceive that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
mechanic is propitious for social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interactions
,
yet
, others argue against this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
. I
strongly
advocate the lateral view for multifarious factors. In this essay we will discuss both the shores and will draw an inference.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
tech system has relieved human to a great extent,
hence
, inducing an opportunity for them to spend more time with their near and dear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
systems like washing machines,
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'I'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
I robot
vacuum cleaner and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their work done with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a click of a button.
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
spare time to socialize in their community, which in retrospect was not possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the work being
manually
done. To illustrate, it is evident to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoying together at various clubs, parks, restaurants with their family, relatives and friends, as their work is
majorly
done with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of machines. Having said that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
system act as a catalyst for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to commune.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
contend that this advancement has shown a detrimental effect on the real-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their association. With progress in internet, social media, computers and mobile phones, human preference has shifted towards staying in the comfort of their homes,
rather
than going out. They do not realize the value of mingling around with others, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
with others online. A study by psychology department of Ontario University states that with usage of technology fraternizing has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to 45%, then it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be in the year 2015, which is a considerable reduction.
Therefore
, the disadvantages definitely outweighs the advantages.

To recapitulate, having mulled over above information and deliberating all the facts, it can
be deducted
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
high-tech society are much more fragmented and isolated, then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
at hindsight. I
personally
feel, that the technology has a pernicious effect on the association, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more interested in virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interactions
. It,
further
, seems to continue
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The line graph shows the number of players in four different sports (badminton, tennis, basketball, rugby) in a particular European country between 1985 and 2005.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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