Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some believe that young people should have a university education, because this will bring benefits to the society in the future. Others, however, think it will lead to graduate unemployment. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some believe that young people should have a university education, because this will bring benefits to the society in the future. Others, however, think it will lead to graduate unemployment. 1
Education has become one of the most important aspects in the modern societies. Some people believe that university education is mandatory for the youth while others argue that graduates have a higher percentage of unemployment. I believe that both opinions are partially correct as I will support my stand with valid arguments in this essay. The world is now dependent on sophisticated technologies and supporters of higher education argue that in order to operate and utilize modern tools and technologies, we need more skilled and higher educated employees. In addition, it is not possible to develop new innovations and breakthroughs if the employees are not educated. Take, for example, companies working in communication industry require at least a bachelor degree in engineering for technical jobs and in some cases the entry-level requirement is a PhD. Indeed, if the youth are university-graduates, they will have a better opportunity to get hired. Thus, it has become imperative that every person should have at least a bachelor degree. On the other hand, some people contend that university curriculum never educate students how to work in the real world, as they focus more on the theoretical side. Because of this, most students do not have practical skills that match job market requirements. Consequently, unemployment rates of university-educated people are, in some cases, much higher than those of people with lower education levels. For instance, in Egypt, people who have a vocational training will have tremendous opportunities to work, while highly-educated people may suffer from unemployment. That clearly shows that the gap between the higher education and the market needs can deter people from joining colleges in order to a have higher number of employment opportunities. Hence, I believe that the education systems should be continuously upgraded and enhanced to minimize this gap and meet the market requirements. To conclude, many employers insist on higher education. Meanwhile, the lack of the practical knowledge in the current curriculums reduces the opportunity of fresh-graduates to get jobs. Therefore, I believe that continuous improvement of the education system would resolve this situation and encourage more people to get enrolled in universities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
has become one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspects in the modern societies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is mandatory for the youth while others argue that graduates have a higher percentage of unemployment. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that both opinions are
partially
correct as I will support my stand with valid arguments in this essay.

The world is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
dependent on sophisticated technologies and supporters of higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
argue that in order to operate and utilize modern tools and technologies, we need more skilled and higher educated employees.
In addition
, it is not possible to develop new innovations and breakthroughs if the employees are not educated. Take,
for example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
working in communication industry require at least a bachelor degree in engineering for technical jobs and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases the entry-level requirement is a PhD.
Indeed
, if the youth are university-graduates, they will have a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hired.
Thus
, it has become imperative that every person should have at least a bachelor degree.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contend that university curriculum never educate students how to work in the real world, as they focus more on the theoretical side.
Because of this
, most students do not have practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that match job market requirements.
Consequently
, unemployment rates of university-educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, much higher than those of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
levels.
For instance
, in Egypt,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have a vocational training will have tremendous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
to work, while
highly
-educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may suffer from unemployment. That
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the gap between the higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and the market needs can deter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from joining colleges in order to a have higher number of employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
.
Hence
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
systems should be
continuously
upgraded and enhanced to minimize this gap and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the market requirements.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employers insist on higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Meanwhile, the lack of the practical knowledge in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
curriculums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
of fresh-graduates to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
jobs.
Therefore
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that continuous improvement of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system would resolve this situation and encourage more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
enrolled in universities.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some believe that young people should have a university education, because this will bring benefits to the society in the future. Others, however, think it will lead to graduate unemployment. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts