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Some people prefer to be self employed, whereas others like working for companies or institutions. Which is a better approach. v.3

Some people prefer to be self employed, whereas others like working for companies or institutions. Which is a better approach. v. 3
Certain individual are more interested in opening their own business, however other enjoy to work for organisations. This essay will firstly discuss the amount of freedom enjoyed by businessman and secondly, this essay will discuss the financial rewards gained and enjoyed by business person a person working for ones own business will enjoy complete independence and freedom. They will have the right to take their own decisions without consulting others. Moreover, business person have full control on each and every activity of the business such as the quantities of goods to be purchase and the cash inflow and outflow. Additionally, businessman decide the working days and time as per their own convenience. They can even take a day or two off without consulting or taking permission from others. Furthermore, once a business is operational and if it earns huge amount of profits, after paying all the salaries and making essential payments the remaining amount is enjoyed by the owner itself. Although, the owner has to take huge risk and uncertainties in the beginning but the profits and benefits which are earned at the later stage is enjoyed by the owner. To support this there is justifiable verbalization that higher the risk is greater will be the profits. To elucidate, according to the recent studies people who take risk and losses at the beginning of a new business are the ones who are the most successful and profitable at the later stages. To conclude, i vehemently agree that people should be motivated to start their own companies and to work for themselves as they will have the right to take the decision and will not have to approach anyone for permission, moreover, profits earned at the later stage all belongs to the owners of the company
Certain individual are more interested in opening their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
,
however
other enjoy to work for
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
. This essay will
firstly
discuss the amount of freedom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyed
by businessman and
secondly
, this essay will discuss the financial rewards gained and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
person


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
a
person working for ones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
will enjoy complete independence and freedom. They will have the right to take their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions without consulting others.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
person have full control on each and every activity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
such as the quantities of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
and the cash inflow and outflow.
Additionally
, businessman decide the working days and time as per their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
convenience. They can even take a day or two off without consulting or taking permission from others.

Furthermore
, once a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is operational and if it earns huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
, after paying all the salaries and making essential payments the remaining amount is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyed
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owner
itself. Although, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owner
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and uncertainties in the beginning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
and benefits which
are earned
at the later stage is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyed
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owner
. To support this there is justifiable verbalization that higher the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
is greater will be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
. To elucidate, according to the recent studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and losses at the beginning of a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
are the ones who are the most successful and profitable at the later stages.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
To
conclude,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
vehemently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
be motivated
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and to work for themselves as they will have the right to take the decision and will not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
approach anyone for permission,
moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
earned at the later stage all belongs to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owners
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Some people prefer to be self employed, whereas others like working for companies or institutions. Which is a better approach. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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