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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on young people. v.515

Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on young people. v. 515
Undoubtedly, movies and TV have a great impact in our society. Since each movie is made for a specific audience, they have different effects on young people. Although many supporters may say movies and TV shows have a positive effect in teenagers, I think, movies contain dangerous messages that should not be watched by younger people for some reasons. To begin with, teenager' s programs consist of violent messages. While an adult can differentiate between positive and negative messages, young kids tend to repeat this hazard concepts even though are perform just for distracting audiences. For example, a few years ago some kids stared a dangerous situation when they tried to imitate some scenes from the movie batman. Since a 16 year-old kid is easy to persuade by television, they should not be allowed to see them. Instead, parents must be present to explain if the movie is apt to be seen by their loved ones. Therefore, movies are full of programs with negative information rather than positive. Moreover, programs on TV are made to entertain rather than to provide useful ideas. We must understand the only purpose of movies is to reach a large number of audiences. This means that the content lack of importance. In other words, film makers want to obtain a great amount of money, so the information given does not matter. For example, we notice on those shows given on the Disney channel that they are trifling in content. With this in mind, what kids learn from it, it is not the kind of information they should be learning. Specifically, I saw in one show how kids were kissing and changing partners every day. Consequently, that message is received by young people, yet they will think is natural to have different boyfriends every day. Therefore, I disagree that the TV provides useful ideas. Instead, they encourage teenagers to follow these unhealthy models To sum up, for all my reasons above, TV and movies have a more dangerous effect on kids than positive. Even though we can find some good program, the negative impacts super pass the good examples. I do not have a child yet, but I won' t let him see television. Instead, he can enjoy time socializing outside the home with other children.
Undoubtedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and TV have a great impact in our society. Since each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
is made
for a specific audience, they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
effects on young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
supporters may say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
contain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
messages
that should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
by younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
Possible spelling mistake found.
teenager&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
consist of violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
messages
. While an adult can differentiate between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
messages
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
tend to repeat this hazard concepts
even though
are
Consider using a past participle here: "performed".
perform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for distracting audiences.
For example
, a few years ago
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
stared a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
situation when they tried to imitate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scenes from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
batman. Since a 16 year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
is easy to persuade by television, they should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them.
Instead
, parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be present to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
is apt to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
are full of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
information
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
on TV
are made
to entertain
rather
than to provide useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
understand the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
is to reach
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
audiences. This means that the content lack of importance.
In other words
, film makers want to obtain a great amount of money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the information
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
does not matter.
For example
, we notice on those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
on the Disney channel that they are trifling in content. With this in mind, what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
learn from it, it is not the kind of information they should be learning.
Specifically
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
in one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
were kissing and changing partners every day.
Consequently
, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
message
is received
by young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
yet
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
is natural to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
boyfriends every day.
Therefore
, I disagree that the TV provides useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
Instead
, they encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to follow these unhealthy models

To sum up, for all my reasons above, TV and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
have a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.
Even though
we can find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts super pass the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
examples. I do not have a child
yet
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
Possible spelling mistake found.
won&
#039; t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
him
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
television.
Instead
, he can enjoy time socializing outside the home with other children.
23Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on young people. v. 515

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
380 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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