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More and more schools allow fast-food restaurants to sell their products to their students. Is it a positive or negative development? v.4

More and more schools allow fast-food restaurants to sell their products to their students. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 4
Several schoold are giving permission to fast food joints to sell their food items to students. This essay disagree with this statement as it will have a long term negative impact on health of children. Firstly, this essay will discus the health issues children will suffer from eating junk food. Secondly, it will have a negative impact on their mental developement. If fast food restaurants will be introduced in schoold students will not eat their home cooked nutritious food and will be more tempted to have junk food such as pizzas, burgers and patties. Though, these food items are scrumptious and succulent but they do not have any nutritional vlue. Students will suffer from many health issues such as obesity, diabetes and cardio-vascular problems which will have a negative mpact on their overall life. Moreover, since their body will not get the essential vitamins and nutrients they will not have a strong immune system and will be more prone to the risk of having chronic diseases and infections. To elucidate, more than 50 percent of children in metropolitan cities are suffering from obesity as they eat more of the junk food. Students who are encouraged to eat junk food do not have sound and efficient mental developement. They are not able to perform exceptionally good in their academics and career life as by eating unhygenic food, they do not get the necessary minerals and protiens for thier cognitive developement. As a result they are not able to develop thinking, analysing and understanding skills which have a major significance in building a succesful and prosperous future. To exemplify, a recent study has proved that children who eat more of junk food are below average in their school and academics. To conclude, i vehmently disagree with the notion of schools introducing fast food restaurants. I believe that schools should encourage students to have hygenic and home cooked food as this will not only make them physically fit and healthy but they will also perform brilliantly in thier studies.
Several
Possible spelling mistake found.
schoold are
giving permission to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
joints to sell their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
The verb 'disagree' is plural. Did you mean: "This essay disagrees"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
This essay disagree
with this statement as it will have a long term
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Firstly
, this essay will
Did you mean the verb "discuss" (= talk about something)?
discus
the health issues
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will suffer from eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Secondly
, it will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on their mental
Possible spelling mistake found.
developement
.

If
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
restaurants will
be introduced
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
schoold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
their home cooked nutritious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and will be more tempted to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
such as pizzas, burgers and patties. Though, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items are scrumptious and succulent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they do not have any nutritional
Possible spelling mistake found.
vlue
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
will suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health issues such as obesity, diabetes and cardio-vascular problems which will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Possible spelling mistake found.
mpact
on their
overall
life.
Moreover
, since their body will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the essential vitamins and nutrients they will not have a strong immune system and will be more prone to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of having chronic diseases and infections. To elucidate, more than 50 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in metropolitan cities are suffering from obesity as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
more of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
food.

Students who
are encouraged
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
do not have sound and efficient mental
Possible spelling mistake found.
developement
. They are not able to perform
exceptionally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in their academics and career life as by eating
Possible spelling mistake found.
unhygenic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the necessary minerals and
Possible spelling mistake found.
protiens
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
cognitive
Possible spelling mistake found.
developement
.
As a result
they are not able to develop thinking,
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
and understanding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which have a major significance in building a
Possible spelling mistake found.
succesful
and prosperous future. To exemplify, a recent study has proved that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
more of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are below average in their school and academics.

To conclude
, i
Possible spelling mistake found.
vehmently
disagree with the notion of schools introducing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
restaurants. I believe that schools should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to have
Possible spelling mistake found.
hygenic
and home cooked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
as this will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
physically
fit and healthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they will
also
perform
brilliantly
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
studies.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay More and more schools allow fast-food restaurants to sell their products to their students. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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