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Some people prefer to be self employed, whereas others like working for companies or institutions. which is better approach? v.1

Some people prefer to be self employed, whereas others like working for companies or institutions. which is better approach? v. 1
Selection of the right career path after attaining academic qualification is a crucial decision for everyone. Few people give preference to become employer by starting their own business. However, others intend to join job in various organizations. Both approaches have their own importance. This essay would aim at justifying the both statements before forming a personal opinion in the subsequent fragments. To commence with, advocates of the former statement assert that it allows individuals to work with more flexibility in terms of time, business expansion and income. In other words, people can make any change in their business in order to earn more profit without any disruption. Besides this, by working independently, individuals can develop self confidence, which further help them to take their decisions more wisely, not only in professional life but also personal. Therefore, self-employment provides a convenient way of work along with developing confidence in decision making. However, on the other hand, working as a employee has its own advantages, which encourage individuals to start the job. The predominant benefit is the chance to gain hands on experience. To put it simple, the experience and skills such as co-operation can be learnt while working in an organization. These all are the mandatory skills which are essential for getting success in life. Hence, the job can be proven reliable career option. In conclusion, choosing a career is an important part of human life. As, above discussed views have described their own value. However, in my opinion, people should have to do the job at the initial stage of their career, where they can gain enough experience
Selection of the right
career
path after attaining academic qualification is a crucial decision for everyone. Few
people
give preference to become employer by starting their
own
business.
However
, others intend to
join
job
in various organizations. Both approaches have their
own
importance. This essay would aim at justifying the both statements
before
forming a personal opinion in the subsequent fragments.

To commence with, advocates of the former statement assert that it
allows
individuals to work with more flexibility in terms of time, business expansion and income.
In other words
,
people
can
make
any
change
in their business in order to earn more profit without any disruption.
Besides
this, by working
independently
, individuals can develop
self confidence
, which
further
help
them to take their decisions more
wisely
, not
only
in professional life
but
also
personal.
Therefore
, self-employment provides a convenient way of work along with developing confidence in
decision making
.

However
,
on the other hand
, working as
a
employee has its
own
advantages, which encourage individuals to
start
the
job
. The predominant benefit is the chance to gain hands on experience. To put it simple, the experience and
skills
such as co-operation can be
learnt
while working in an organization. These all are the mandatory
skills
which are essential for getting success in life.
Hence
, the
job
can
be proven
reliable
career
option.

In conclusion
, choosing a
career
is an
important
part of human life.
As
, above discussed views have
described
their
own
value.
However
, in my opinion,
people
should
have to
do the
job
at the initial stage of their
career
, where they can gain
enough
experience
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Some people prefer to be self employed, whereas others like working for companies or institutions. which is better approach? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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