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Some people prefer reading newspapers or magazines to get news others prefer watching television or listening to radio to get news Which way do you prefer and why v.1

Some people prefer reading newspapers or magazines to get news others prefer watching television or listening to radio to get news Which way do you prefer and why v. 1
As people grow old, they are seeking more financial attention, while it is possible that at their young age, they must plan for their retirement however it is the fundamental responsibility of the government to take care of their senior citizens financially. This essay will discuss why eventually the responsibility lies with the government. Retirement plans are considered to be significant for the individual. At the young age a person does care about their saving for rainy days, instead they tend to spend on every single glitter available in the market, without realising the consequences after the retirement because they felt that they must be pleased themselves now and stop planning about the future, for example, a recent study by the EIA brokerage firm, suggested that people with life bracket between 25 years to 30 years, it is necessary for them to consider pullout strategy. Overall, an individual compels himself to contemplate their arrangement at the early age to avoid burdensome to others at their departure. Conversely, It is the foremost responsibility of the regime to arrange better fund strategy for retirees, as they would not be competent enough to work after 60 years of age because of their health and mental capacity does not allow them to do so, additionally they contribute through hefty taxes to country development, For instance, In Australia, a person have to submit 9. 5% of their wages to superannuation fund which eventually pay them back after their evacuation. Personal saving will never be able to achieve what has been taken by authorities over hundred of years to achieve. In conclusion, the state retirement plan will eventually supersede entirely the individual saving methods, however the regime must designed appropriate system and follow them up for their implementation. Ultimately, in the current scenario the government is responsible for their retirement.
As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
grow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, they are seeking more financial attention, while it is possible that at their young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
plan for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
however
it is the fundamental responsibility of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to take care of their senior citizens
financially
. This essay will discuss why
eventually
the responsibility lies with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

Retirement plans
are considered
to be significant for the individual. At the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
a person does care about their saving for rainy days,
instead
they tend to spend on every single glitter available in the market, without
Possible spelling mistake. 'realising' is British English.
realising
the
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "after". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences after
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they felt that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
themselves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
planning about the future,
for example
, a recent study by the EIA brokerage firm, suggested that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with life bracket between 25 years to 30 years, it is necessary for them to consider pullout strategy.
Overall
, an individual compels himself to contemplate their arrangement at the early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
to avoid burdensome to others at their departure.

Conversely
, It is the foremost responsibility of the regime to arrange better fund strategy for retirees, as they would not be competent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to work after 60 years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their health and mental capacity does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
additionally
they contribute through hefty taxes to country development,
For instance
, In Australia, a person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
submit 9. 5% of their wages to superannuation fund which
eventually
pay them back after their evacuation. Personal saving will never be able to achieve what has
been taken
by authorities over hundred of years to achieve.

In conclusion
, the state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
plan will
eventually
supersede
entirely
the individual saving methods,
however
the regime
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
designed appropriate system and follow them up for their implementation.
Ultimately
, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
scenario the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is responsible for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people prefer reading newspapers or magazines to get news others prefer watching television or listening to radio to get news Which way do you prefer and why v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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