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How do movies or TV influence people’s behavior? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer. v.1

How do movies or TV influence people’s behavior? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer. v. 1
Health issues caused by consumption of junk food has become utmost importance around worldwide as it deteriorates the immune system. There are several reasons due to which people intake outside meals frequently. Enormous masses believe that the political establishments should increase taxation on these types of foods to discourage people from consuming such meals. However, in my perspective, this approach will not lead to desired outcomes which will be hashed out in upcoming paragraphs of this essay with compelling examples. At the outset, the higher tax is unlikely to reduce its consumption. The foremost reason is sedentary lifestyle where people not participating in any physical work are less likely to follow a healthy lifestyle. Furthermore, their working schedules are tightly packed, they merely cook proper meals at home and prefer to eat outside. Consequently, implementing taxes on junk food will have little impact on its buy especially working class. Because people who are health conscious will anyway maintain their nutritious diet. In contrast, raising awareness among citizens and promoting organic eatables might be fruitful to decline intake fast food. The government should make healthy food more affordable so that it is available to all sections of the society. For instance, a recent survey in developed country revealed that middle and lower class are compelled to eat fast food as they cannot afford healthy meals. Therefore, the government can open eateries country wise to sell healthy diet at affordable charges. To conclude, raising taxes on junk food has less possibility of reducing consumption and will impact low earning groups of society. However, government can make laws to check the quality of production of such eatables. In addition, it should also make nutritious meal more and more affordable.
Health issues caused by consumption of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has become utmost importance around worldwide as it deteriorates the immune system. There are several reasons due to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
intake outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
frequently
. Enormous masses believe that the political establishments should increase taxation on these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
to discourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from consuming such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
.
However
, in my perspective, this approach will not lead to desired outcomes which will
be hashed
out in upcoming paragraphs of this essay with compelling examples.

At the outset, the higher tax is unlikely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
its consumption. The foremost reason is sedentary lifestyle where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not participating in any physical work are less likely to follow a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle.
Furthermore
, their working schedules are
tightly
packed, they
merely
cook proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
at home and prefer to eat outside.
Consequently
, implementing taxes on junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
impact on its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
especially
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are health conscious will anyway maintain their nutritious diet.

In contrast
, raising awareness among citizens and promoting organic eatables might be fruitful to decline intake
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
more affordable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it is available to all sections of the society.
For instance
, a recent survey in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed country
revealed that middle and lower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
are compelled
to eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
as they cannot afford
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can open eateries country wise to sell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet at affordable charges.

To conclude
, raising taxes on junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has less possibility of reducing consumption and will impact low earning groups of society.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
laws to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the quality of production of such eatables.
In addition
, it should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
nutritious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
more and more affordable.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay How do movies or TV influence people’s behavior? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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