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the line graph below shows the consumption of four kinds of meat in a European Country from 1979 to 2004. v.1

the line graph below shows the consumption of four kinds of meat in a European Country from 1979 to 2004. v. 1
Currently, an increasing number of families are given priority to recycle daily trashes like papers and plastics. However, I hold the view that it’s not enough and laws should be used to tackle this issue. Applying Legislation in this field can save public resources and increase efficiency of recycling remarkably. Since legislation is compulsory, it can force citizens to recycle rubbish they generated instead of throwing away it directly. Then, government needn’t to invest lots of money on it and can mainly focus on investing more efficient technique to recycle waste as a method to face with the energy resources problem. What’s more, Laws with authority can aid raise public awareness about environmental protection. Quite a lot of people regard legislation as the symbol of civilization, without which our society can’t function well. Thereby, people are more likely to intend their responsibilities to secure the environment by laws. After changes of behaviour, they may come to know the pros of recycling more directly and clearly. Thus, it will enhance their determination. Definitely, it is a common that laws may have an adverse impact on human freedom, that is also the issue some people worried. But in the progress and development of society, numerous things have been sacrificed. For instance, with traffic laws, individuals cannot drive randomly as they want to. But it also thanks to that law, many lives are saved from traffic crashes. Thus, if laws develop our collective well-being, they cannot be deterred by the advocates of liberty. In conclusion, there exists varieties of the benefits of applying laws to force citizens to recycle trash from homes, not only promoting a more environmentally friendly lifestyle but also improving the efficiency of recycling. Though legislation might hurt people’s some rights, it can be balanced well with rational means.
Currently
, an increasing number of families are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
priority to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recycle
daily trashes like papers and plastics.
However
, I hold the view that it’s not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to tackle this issue.

Applying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Legislation
in this field can save public resources and increase efficiency of recycling
remarkably
. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
legislation
is compulsory, it can force citizens to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recycle
rubbish they generated
instead
of throwing away it
directly
. Then,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needn’t
Did you mean "invest"?
to invest
lots of money on it and can
mainly
focus on investing more efficient technique to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recycle
waste as a method to face with the energy resources problem.

What’s more,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Laws
with authority can aid raise public awareness about environmental protection. Quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
legislation
as the symbol of civilization, without which our society can’t function well. Thereby,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more likely to intend their responsibilities to secure the environment by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
. After
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to know the pros of recycling more
directly
and
clearly
.
Thus
, it will enhance their determination.

Definitely, it is a common that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
may have an adverse impact on human freedom,
that is
also
the issue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
worried.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in the progress and development of society, numerous things have
been sacrificed
.
For instance
, with traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
, individuals cannot drive
randomly
as they want to.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it
also
thanks to that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are saved
from traffic crashes.
Thus
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
develop our collective well-being, they cannot
be deterred
by the advocates of liberty.

In conclusion
, there exists varieties of the benefits of applying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
to force citizens to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recycle
trash from homes, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
promoting a more
environmentally
friendly lifestyle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
improving the efficiency of recycling. Though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
legislation
might hurt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rights, it can
be balanced
well with rational means.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay the line graph below shows the consumption of four kinds of meat in a European Country from 1979 to 2004. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
299 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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