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Some people like to travel outside their country. Others would rather travel to tourist spots in their own country first, before travelling abroad. Which do you prefer to do and why? Include specific details and examples to support your choice. v.7

Some people like to travel outside their country. Others would rather travel to tourist spots in their own country first, before travelling abroad. Which do you prefer to do and why? Include specific details and examples to support your choice. v. 7
The requirements of modern society have changed, as few subjects are required more compared to others. One probability to meet such requirements might be that governments should pay university fee of the specialities which they require to attract the students. There may be a few disadvantages of this policy, but the advantages are more pronounced. If tertiary education fees for few specialists are paid by the government it might attract students in apparently unattractive fields which students tend to avoid. One reason for avoidance may be the subject is difficult and other reasons may be future job prospects. For example, students avoid subjects like economics and statistics, but they are required by the state for several reasons. If the state pays for the fees of these apparently unattractive subjects, the students will be tempted to study them in university. Hence, the authority will utilise them in the fields required. Moreover, it will advantageous to lower socioeconomic group who cannot afford to pay the tuition fees. The students from poor backgrounds can study the subjects required by government and prove themselves productive members of society. This will ensure equal distribution of education in a locality. Admittedly, there are few disadvantages to this type of educational system. The concept of free tuition fees may attract the unwilling students who are not very interested in studies. They would join tertiary education just because it is free and may not pass exams. This may result in wastage of the precious tax money of the general public. Another disadvantage might be that the students who pay for their tuition fees may development resentment against the government for providing free education to selected students. This may create a division in the university atmosphere and disharmony amongst the students. In the long run, it may have a detrimental effect on the overall friendly atmosphere of society. In conclusion, the educational policy of free university education to the specialities scarcely available and beneficial to the state can prove extremely useful and can be recouped many times compared to the expenditure on it.
The requirements of modern society have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
, as few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
required
more compared to others. One probability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
such requirements might be that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
of the specialities which they require to attract the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. There may be a few disadvantages of this policy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the advantages are more pronounced.

If tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
for few specialists
are paid
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
it might attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
apparently
unattractive fields which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
tend to avoid. One reason for avoidance may be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is difficult and other reasons may be future job prospects.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like economics and statistics,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
required
by the state for several reasons. If the state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pays
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
of these
apparently
unattractive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
be tempted
to study them in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
Hence
, the authority will
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
them in the fields
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
required
.
Moreover
, it
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
will advantageous
to lower socioeconomic group who cannot afford to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
the tuition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from poor backgrounds can study the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
required
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and prove themselves productive members of society. This will ensure equal distribution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in a locality.

Admittedly
, there are few disadvantages to this type of educational system. The concept of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
tuition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
may attract the unwilling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interested in studies. They would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
and may not pass exams. This may result in wastage of the precious tax money of the
Consider using "public".
general public
. Another disadvantage might be that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for their tuition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
may development resentment against the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
for providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to selected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. This may create a division in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
atmosphere and disharmony amongst the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. In the long run, it may have a detrimental effect on the
overall
friendly atmosphere of society.

In conclusion
, the educational policy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to the specialities
scarcely
available and beneficial to the state can prove
extremely
useful and can
be recouped
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times compared to the expenditure on it.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people like to travel outside their country. Others would rather travel to tourist spots in their own country first, before travelling abroad. Which do you prefer to do and why? Include specific details and examples to support your choice. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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