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Some people marry shortly after finishing college. Others prefer to focus on their careers first and wait until later to get married. Which of these situations do you think is better? v.2

Some people marry shortly after finishing college. Others prefer to focus on their careers first and wait until later to get married. Which of these situations do you think is better? v. 2
people have varying opinions for age of getting married some prefer marrying at a younger age whereas other at older age. personally, I believe that people should marry when their career becomes stagnant. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay. To begin with, delaying marriage to a later time helps the couple become more stable financially. If a couple decides to marriage in their late 20' s then there is very good chance that the couple leads a financially stable life, which is good maintaining harmony in their relationship. For example, recently my elder brother got married and he also chose to marry when he became well settled in his career. this made him job secure and also capable to handle his family as well as his wife as now he started earning handsome salary. As a result, my brother was able to buy presents to his wife and take her to outings weekly, which kept them both happy and also created a strong bond in their relationship. therefore, deciding to choose at older age is actually beneficial for the relationship. Secondly, as the age of person increases, he becomes more mature and shrewd. The increase in the person' s acumen is beneficial for the children which he will be going to have after marriage. The presence of much more awareness will make the upbringing of children more secure and healthy for the children and they will become more successful as an adult. I can very well draw this same situation from my own family. my uncle was also the person who decided to marry late and gave first priority to his career as he believed that this will make him more capable for handling children. therefore, when he married at an age of 29 and had his first child at an age of 30, he was well prepared mentally to provide all the adequate care and nourishment which the child require in his tender age. The upbringing which my uncle' s son received made him more successful as an adult as he become more disciplined, determined and intelligent in handling situations. Hence, delaying marriage to increase the maturity within oneself is very beneficial for the newly born. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that people should give first preference to their career. this is because this makes the couple financially stable to make the relationship share a strong bond and because the increased shrewdness which comes with aging is helpful for the children which a person will have once he marry.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
have varying opinions for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of getting married
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prefer marrying at a younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
whereas other at older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
personally
, I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marry
when their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
stagnant. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, delaying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
to a later time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more stable
financially
. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couple
decides to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
in their late 20' s then there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
chance that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couple
leads a
financially
stable life, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
maintaining harmony in their relationship.
For example
, recently my elder brother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
married and
he
also
chose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marry
when he became
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
settled in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
made him job secure and
also
capable to handle his family as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as his wife as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
earning handsome salary.
As a result
, my brother was able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
presents to his wife and take her to outings weekly, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
them both happy and
also
created a strong bond in their relationship.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
therefore
, deciding to choose at older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is actually beneficial for the relationship.

Secondly
, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
increases, he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
more mature and shrewd. The increase in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
person&
#039; s acumen is beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
which he will be going to have after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
. The presence of much more awareness will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the upbringing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more secure and healthy for the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more successful as an adult. I can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
draw this same situation from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
family.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
my
uncle was
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who decided to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marry
late and gave
first
priority to his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
as he believed that this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
him more capable for handling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
therefore
, when he married at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 29 and had his
first
child at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 30, he was
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well prepared
mentally to provide all the adequate care and nourishment which the child require in his tender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. The upbringing which my
Possible spelling mistake found.
uncle&
#039; s son received made him more successful as an adult as he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more disciplined, determined and intelligent in handling situations.
Hence
, delaying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
to increase the maturity within oneself is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for the
newly
born.

In conclusion
, I am of the opinion that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should give
first
preference to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couple
financially
stable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the relationship share a strong bond and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the increased shrewdness which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with aging is helpful for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
which a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
will have once he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "marries", "married".
marry
.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
46Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people marry shortly after finishing college. Others prefer to focus on their careers first and wait until later to get married. Which of these situations do you think is better? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
431 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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