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Young adults are now choosing to wait until later in life, often until they are in their 30s, to settle down and get married. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v.1

Young adults are now choosing to wait until later in life, often until they are in their 30s, to settle down and get married. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 1
People in their early 20's are now deciding to stay single until they are near or over the age of thirty. This essay first suggests that unbiased focus on the professional career is the primary benefit, while a higher probability of separation is the main drawback. The main advantage of staying unmarried until later in life is that men and women can completely focus on building their careers. That is to say, a successful career demands time and attention, and if people get married in their early life, they will have responsibilities to fulfil, which could distract them from work. Therefore, people who are not married can dedicatedly strive to achieve heights in their respective fields. For instance, as per a recent government survey, single young adults are 25% more successful in their professions than the people who are married in their 20's. The prime drawback of choosing not to get married until the age of 30 or over is that it enhances the chances of divorce. That is to say, people who are already thirty are quite mature, which makes it difficult for them to adjust and live with another person. They have their own comfort zones and compromises are unacceptable, which leads to friction in marriages and ultimately results in separation. For example, as per the statistics of the Indian government, the divorce cases among people who married in their late 30's is 20% more than those get settled in their late 20's. In conclusion, the prime advantage is that men and women in their early 20's can build successful careers by staying single until later in life, but the increased chances of divorce is the major disadvantage.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in their early
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "20s".
20's
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
deciding to stay single until they are near or over the age of thirty. This essay
first
suggests that unbiased focus on the professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
is the primary benefit, while a higher probability of separation is the main drawback.

The main advantage of staying unmarried until later in life is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women can completely focus on building their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
.
That is
to say, a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
demands time and attention, and if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married in their early life, they will have responsibilities to fulfil, which could distract them from work.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not married can
Possible spelling mistake found.
dedicatedly
strive to achieve heights in their respective fields.
For instance
, as per a recent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
survey, single young adults are 25% more successful in their professions than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are married
in their
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "20s".
20's
.

The prime drawback of choosing not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married until the age of 30 or over is that it enhances the chances of divorce.
That is
to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are already thirty are quite mature, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it difficult for them to adjust and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with another person. They have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
comfort zones and compromises are unacceptable, which leads to friction in marriages and
ultimately
results in separation.
For example
, as per the statistics of the Indian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, the divorce cases among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
married in their late
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "30s".
30's
is 20% more than those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
settled in their late
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "20s".
20's
.

In conclusion
, the prime advantage is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women in their early
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "20s".
20's
can build successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
by staying single until later in life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the increased chances of divorce is the major disadvantage.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Young adults are now choosing to wait until later in life, often until they are in their 30s, to settle down and get married. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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