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Some people like to have their cell or mobile phone with them at all times. Other people prefer not to bring their cell or mobile phone with them everywhere they go, or they choose not to own one at all. Which do you prefer? Explain why. v.2

Some people like to have their cell or mobile phone with them at all times. Other people prefer not to bring their cell or mobile phone with them everywhere they go, or they choose not to own one at all. Which do you prefer? Explain why. v. 2
Nowadays, we see that most of the children are busy playing online games rather than engaging in any sports activities. The reason behind this type of situation is that personal computers are more affordable and a part of every household. Owing to this, children prefer to stay indoors and become engrossed in video games. The main reason behind young ones’ attracted towards video games is that desktops and laptops are inexpensive and many houses own one. Due to this, children squander away time by playing games in big screen as the graphical content is impressive. Moreover, parents do not bother about the screen time because they will not be disturbed as long as their children are hooked to the machine. As a result, young people develop habituate to computers and do not favour playing sports. They feel outdoor activities are tiring and require enormous physical efforts. Spending a considerable amount of time playing online or offline games instead of sports is not good for children. This habit has harmful effects on their mental and physical health. Prolonged screen exposure will cause vision related issues alongside obesity because it does not involve any body movements. Another potential problem is depression, which will lead to cognitive imbalance. When children spend long hours on the system, they become isolated from the society/their peers. If a child is affected by such problems at an early age, their future is at stake. My neighbour’s child, for instance, is unable to concentrate on studies because of his addiction to computer games. In conclusion, affordability in the recent times has enabled many families to own a play station at home. Children rarely play outside as they are infinitely bound to these machines. This is certainly a negative trend because computer game addiction has detrimental effects on a child’s physical and mental well-being.
Nowadays, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
rather
than engaging in any sports activities. The reason behind this type of situation is that personal computers are more affordable and a part of every household. Owing to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
prefer to stay indoors and become engrossed in video games.

The main reason behind young ones’ attracted towards video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is that desktops and laptops are inexpensive and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
one. Due to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
squander away
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
screen as the graphical content is impressive.
Moreover
, parents do not bother about the screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will not
be disturbed
as long as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are hooked
to the machine.
As a result
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
develop habituate to computers and do not
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
sports. They feel outdoor activities are tiring and require enormous physical efforts.

Spending a considerable amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
online or offline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
instead
of sports is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This habit has harmful effects on their mental and physical health. Prolonged screen exposure will cause vision related issues alongside obesity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it does not involve
Did you mean "anybody"?
any body
movements. Another potential problem is depression, which will lead to cognitive imbalance. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend long hours on the system, they become isolated from the society/their peers.

If a child is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by such problems at an early age, their future is at stake. My
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
’s child,
for instance
, is unable to concentrate on studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his addiction to computer games.

In conclusion
, affordability in the recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
has enabled
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a play station at home.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
rarely play outside as they are
infinitely
bound to these machines. This is
certainly
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
computer game addiction has detrimental effects on a child’s physical and mental well-being.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Some people like to have their cell or mobile phone with them at all times. Other people prefer not to bring their cell or mobile phone with them everywhere they go, or they choose not to own one at all. Which do you prefer? Explain why. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
305 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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