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Some people like to have their cell or mobile phone with them at all times. Other people prefer not to bring their cell or mobile phone with them everywhere they go, or they choose not to own one at all. Which do you prefer? Explain why v.1

Some people like to have their cell or mobile phone with them at all times. Other people prefer not to bring their cell or mobile phone with them everywhere they go, or they choose not to own one at all. Which do you prefer? Explain why v. 1
It is often thought that teachers have a greater influence in both intellectual and social aspects of children's development as soon as they begin schooling. I completely agree with this view because teachers teach them how to sharpen their intellect in school and also how to build better relationships with one another. The first reason why teachers have a bigger influence intellectually on pupils is that, they spend a good number of hours together to teach them how to reason mathematically. Their tutors usually engage them in tasks and activities which help to develop to stimulate their mental process and idea generation abilities, this then eventually sharpens their intellect. Eventhough, some others may think that the time spent on school is limited and may not help them to develop intellectually: this is often not the case because they mostly use this time meaningfully to solve various class works. For example, it has been proved by various scholars in studies done across the world that children who attend schools are lore intelligent than those who do not. Another reason why I agree that teachers play more roles is that, schools usually have a break period where children are allowed to play freely with each other. This manner of interaction helps them to develop better in the social aspect. Moreso, when they do this under the supervision of their teachers, they develop better team spirit which helps them in future. However, some could argue that, this is better done by their parents at home, but the skills that the teachers have in doing this is a bigger advantage. For instance, an online journal I read concluded that teachers are more effective in building social relationships among pupils than their parents. In summary, school children benefit more from their teachers, who teach them how to develop mentally and socially, when they spend time together in school. I, therefore, agree that they are the most influential in these two regard.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have a greater influence in both intellectual and social aspects of children's development as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
schooling. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
teach them how to sharpen their intellect in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
also
how to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
relationships with one another.

The
first
reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have a bigger influence
intellectually
on pupils is that, they spend a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
number of hours together to teach them how to reason
mathematically
. Their tutors
usually
engage them in tasks and activities which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
to stimulate their mental process and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
generation abilities, this then
eventually
sharpens their intellect.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Eventhough
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the time spent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is limited
and may not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
intellectually
: this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
not the case
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this time
meaningfully
to solve various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
works.
For example
, it has
been proved
by various scholars in studies done across the world that children who attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are lore
Use "(intelligent)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
intelligent
than those who do not.

Another reason why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
play more roles is that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
usually
have a break period where children are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to play
freely
with each other. This manner of interaction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
in the social aspect.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Moreso
, when they do this under the supervision of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
team spirit which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
could argue that, this is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
done by their parents at home,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have in doing this is a bigger advantage.
For instance
, an online journal I read concluded that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are more effective in building social relationships among pupils than their parents.

In summary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
children benefit more from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
, who teach them how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
mentally and
socially
, when they spend time together in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. I,
therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that they are the most influential in these two regard.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people like to have their cell or mobile phone with them at all times. Other people prefer not to bring their cell or mobile phone with them everywhere they go, or they choose not to own one at all. Which do you prefer? Explain why v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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