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some people like to eat most of meals with other people. Some prefer to eat alone. which one do you prefer and why? v.1

some people like to eat most of meals with other people. Some prefer to eat alone. which one do you prefer and why? v. 1
Since long ago, people have been arguing that protecting animals hurt them, some people hold the idea that keeping animals in zoos have some advantages; however, some people stick to the point that keeping animals in captivity in zoos is erroneous. however, I personally agree with the latter group. To begin with, animals are under threat from humans because of cutting trees and hunting animals. When animals are kept in captivity in zoos we destroy their natural life; moreover, animals that are protected in zoos con not behave naturally. For example, liens can hardly walk for 50 meters when are kept in cages. In contrast, when they live in jangle they walk for a hundred kilometres. Furthermore, the temperature is extremely an important factor in habitats. For instance, a hot environment contributes to the death of penguins because they must live in a cold environment. For example, when people affect the environment by cutting trees and fossil fuels and release exhaust fume, they contribute to global warming so the weather becomes hotter and melt polar ice. From another point of view, zoos provide a safe place for animals, so protect endangered animals from extinction. For example, zoos provide opportunities for people to have contact with wild animals; also, many animals are treated in zoos because more Zookeeper receives professional training before work in zoos, they know diet and lifestyle of animals; consequently, they live longer; also, by vaccinating animal veterinarians protect them from death and do not be sick because protecting animals in zoos can protect environment from damage and disrupting of a balanced ecosystem additionally, zoos have entertainment aspects of people and they can learn about different kinds of species in zoos. In conclusion, animals should protect from danger and extinction in their natural habitats, but they should not keep in captivity in zoos.
Since long ago,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been arguing that protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
hurt them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in zoos have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages;
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stick to the point that keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in captivity in zoos is erroneous.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter group.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are under threat from humans
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of cutting trees and hunting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in captivity in zoos we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
their natural life;
moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
that
are protected
in zoos con not behave
naturally
.
For example
, liens can hardly walk for 50 meters when are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in cages.
In contrast
, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in jangle they walk for a hundred
Possible spelling mistake. 'kilometres' is British English.
kilometres
.
Furthermore
, the temperature is
extremely
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor in habitats.
For instance
, a hot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
contributes to the death of penguins
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
For example
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
by cutting trees and fossil fuels and release exhaust fume, they contribute to global warming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the weather becomes hotter and melt polar ice.

From another point of view, zoos provide a safe place for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
endangered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
from extinction.
For example
, zoos provide opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have contact with wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
;
also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are treated
in zoos
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
more Zookeeper receives professional training
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
work in zoos, they know diet and lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
;
consequently
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer;
also
, by vaccinating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
veterinarians
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
them from death and do not be sick
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in zoos can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
from damage and disrupting of a balanced ecosystem
additionally
, zoos have entertainment aspects of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they can learn about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of species in zoos.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
and extinction in their natural habitats,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in captivity in zoos.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay some people like to eat most of meals with other people. Some prefer to eat alone. which one do you prefer and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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