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Some people like to collect old things while others throw things away after they used it. Which do you prefer? v.1

Some people like to collect old things while others throw things away after they used it. Which do you prefer? v. 1
Some people believe that parents should be made to undertake parenting courses in order to guarantee that their children develop well. Personally, I disagree with this idea and will outline the reasons below. On the one hand, parenting courses could equip parents with necessary skills and knowledge to help them deal with raising their children. For example, many first-time parents can be overwhelmed by the responsibility of caring for their new born infant. Without proper instruction, they do not know how to handle or care for their baby most effectively. Parenting courses could help parents to overcome these common problems. Similarly, many parents have a great deal of trouble dealing with troublesome teenagers who are misbehaving while going through adolescence. Parenting courses could also help parents to better understand and deal with these issues. However, while parenting courses could provide a lot of good skills and information to parents, many people would argue that parenting is an innate skill that every mother and father can naturally access once they have a child. For example, many mothers instinctively know how to hold and care for their child as soon as it is born. In addition, many people have their own ideas about what good parenting involves due to their own upbringing, and cultural influences. Lastly, many people would consider it ridiculous that people should be forced to attend parenting courses as people should be free to make their own decisions. In conclusion, although parenting courses could provide some beneficial outcomes for both parents and children, I believe that it should be up to the parents to decide whether or not they wish to participate in such courses.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
be made
to undertake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
in order to guarantee that their children develop well.
Personally
, I disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and will outline the reasons below.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
could equip
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
with necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them deal with raising their children.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
first
-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
be overwhelmed
by the responsibility of caring for their new born infant. Without proper instruction, they do not know how to handle or care for their baby most eff
ectively
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to overcome these common problems.
Similarly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have a great deal of trouble dealing with troublesome
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who are misbehaving while going through adolescence.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
could
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to better understand and deal with these issues.

However
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
could provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and information to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
is an innate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
that every mother and father can
naturally
access once they have a child.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
mothers instinctively know how to hold and care for their child as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as it
is born
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
about what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
involves due to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
upbringing, and cultural
The word 'influences' contains a ligature (joined letters). Modern English does not usually use ligatures. A ligature in a word causes a spelling error. If the word is an English word, write it with standard characters.
influences
.
Lastly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would consider it ridiculous that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be forced
to attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be free to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
could provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
beneficial outcomes for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and children, I believe that it should be up to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to decide
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
they wish to participate in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people like to collect old things while others throw things away after they used it. Which do you prefer? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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